Hello 2019!

Happy New Year everyone! I hope the first few days of 2019 have treated you well. Let me know how you celebrated in the comments – did you go out or stay in?

I always think it’s important to write a post like this at the start of the year so I can prepare my readers for what’s to come and run through any changes for the year ahead. Throughout December 2018 I started thinking about the direction for the blog and I knew I still want to write and share posts but I’m not sure how frequently that’s going to be. For the first month or so of 2019 I will be having a very relaxed posting schedule and mostly sharing when I feel like it. I want to have some time to immerse myself in the new year and get into the swing of things without having a strict three post a week promise to myself.

I still have a few post ideas in the pipeline and I will be creating a list of future ideas in my bullet journal. When I do post I will likely still be posting on a Monday, Wednesday or Friday, I find those days work well for me. I won’t be writing a Redhead Rambles update every week and I am unsure whether I will still share my daily highlights at the end of each month. Perhaps I could do a combination of the two and share any significant highlights and things that have happened at the end of each month or every two months. I am not unhappy with my past posts but I want to write quality rather than quantity. If you follow me on Twitter and Instagram (links at the bottom of the post) you will be able to keep up with me more regularly and see what I’m up to!

I was curious to see what my most popular posts from 2018 are, not only as a source of inspiration for 2019 content but to look back and reminisce.

1. Rimmel Match Perfection Two Years OnI am a little surprised this was the most popular but it shows beauty/makeup is what a lot of my readers are here for.

2. The Breakup 💔I am so proud of this post! I’m not bashing my ex or being disrespectful, I simply recounted what happened. Everyone left such thoughtful comments and I really felt the support.

3. 1,000 FOLLOWERS GIVEAWAY!Following closely behind is the giveaway I ran at the end of September for (finally) reaching 1,000 followers. Nadine was the lucky winner!

4. GRWM: Trying New MakeupI loved this neutral look I created back in August. I used a MAC lipstick with possibly the cutest shade name ever, Hug Me.

5. 30 By 30A list of things I want to accomplish before turning 30. I’ve got just over 7 years left!

6. First Peek Inside My Bullet JournalI fell in love with my bullet journal in 2018. In this post I share some of the first pages I created. The post also features a flick through YouTube video.

7. Blogger ClichesThis is not poking fun at bloggers, I share what the majority of us seem to do and love.

8. Current Thoughts & Feelings: Dating/RelationshipsPersonal, honest posts tend to do well and this post follows my mindset after the breakup.

9. Remembering Tango – It’s highly appropriate this post was the ninth most popular, Tango would have turned nine in October 2018. I’m glad she features as in a few days it will be one year since we lost her.

10. Decluttering My Beauty DrawerI got rid of beauty products I didn’t like or use very often.


It’s important to look back but it’s also important to look forward and not stay in the past. I have four goals for 2019 and I thought I’d share them with you.

  1. Try not to buy any lipstick – This will be tough as lipstick is my favourite makeup product but I’d love to be able to say I did it!
  2. Make recipes from my Kmart cookbooks – I bought two cookbooks last year and haven’t made anything from them yet, I hope this changes.
  3. Read 50 books – I read 48 in 2018 so I don’t think this is impossible! I’m also taking into account I work slightly more hours now.
  4. Drive at least twice a month – During the last couple of months of 2018 my driving practice fell by the wayside so I’m hoping to get back into practising more regularly.

Over the coming weeks I may think of more goals but they are what I have for now.


I hope 2019 brings everyone lots of love, laughter and happiness! Cheers to the year ahead!

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Redhead Rambles: 2018 Round Up

In the past my end of year round ups have consisted of a number of highlights relating to that year, Fifteen of ’15, Sixteen of ’16 etc. This year I decided to switch things up because I wanted to be a little more reflective and talk about the goals I set at the beginning of 2018.

I’m not going to lie, 2018 was fucking difficult at times. I don’t want to spend a lot of time talking about the negatives but it’s easy to see how people get bogged down. I look back at myself and all the different emotions I’ve felt throughout this year and part of me can’t believe it happened. I see myself as someone who just keeps going because I have to. I’m strong and I always hope the next day will be better. I may be accused of being a pessimist and sure I have moments of pessimism but I actually see myself as a realist and I have plenty of moments of optimism. I don’t take things for granted and I note down something good about every day even if the day itself is not good.

The undercurrent of 2018 was change. I’m not going to let the breakdown of my relationship define the year but when you’re betrayed you’re not the person you were before. I became harder. I’m even more hyper aware of how people act and what they say. I’m smarter now, I’m extra cautious and I will not give my trust easily. If someone doesn’t respect you and can’t match your effort, don’t be around them. I will never stop being kind but that doesn’t mean I’m going to let people take my kindness for granted and walk all over me. I’m going into 2019 stronger and more resilient. If people don’t want to be in my life, they know where the door is! Being on my own for the past eight months has helped me focus on myself again and my priority is looking after my happiness, my mum’s and Halo’s.


At the start of 2018 I set eight goals. Here’s how I got on:

1. Journal everyday – Complete.

2. Improve my photography – My pictures have improved. I continue to use manual mode on my DSLR. I would like to get out more with my camera and try outdoor/scenery shots.

3. Read 50 books by September – I came close, I read 45.

4. Watch 20 movies – I watched 27 movies in 2018: The House At the End of the Street, Steve Jobs, Poison Ivy, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, The Post, Oblivion, Murder On the Orient Express, Crooked House, Cellular, Money Monster, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, Don’t Breathe, The Intern, Dark Places, The Tall Man, Avengers: Infinity War, The Next Three Days, Fracture, Arbitrage, Assumed Killer, Seeking Justice, Panic Room, Passengers, The Resident, Mothman Prophecies, Jack Reacher and Jack Reacher: Never Go Back.

5. Declutter – I had a few makeup declutters and did a project pan. I also cleaned out my wardrobe.

6. Lose weight – After the breakup I didn’t have to try but I’ve put some of the weight back on.

7. Don’t spend unnecessarily – I think I could have done better with this but I don’t buy just for the sake of it, I research and consider my purchases. A girl’s allowed to treat herself sometimes!

8. Do one new thing each month – Complete. I left this goal until the end because I knew it would take up the most room. Below is a list of new things I did each month.

January

  • Started bullet journalling
  • Uploaded my first YouTube video

February

  • Got a new Birman kitten
  • Played mini golf

March

  • Tried L’Oreal’s Lash Paradise mascara
  • Downloaded my first eBook

April

  • Burnt my Ecoya candle
  • Purchased hot chocolate sachets from the supermarket

May:

  • Purchased a Dannii For Target coat

June:

  • Bought my Shaaanxo eyeshadow palette
  • Started watching Instinct (TV show)
  • Wore blue highlighter

July:

  • Bought a car
  • Tried a new Indian restaurant
  • First time using facial oil – love it!

August:

  • New glasses
  • First order with White Fox Boutique

September

  • Joined Goodreads
  • Bought some goodies from MECCA
  • Reached 1,000 blog followers!

October

  • Makeup Revolution launched in New Zealand
  • Tried an apple turnover

November

  • Got a promotion at work

December

  • Saw Shania Twain in concert
  • Tried sushi for the first time (not a fan)

Did you achieve your goals this year? How do you feel 2018 was for you?

I want to say a huge thank you for all the support this year! I feel lucky to have such lovely blogging friends and to be able to continue getting to know you better. Wishing you all love and happiness for 2019! ❤

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The End of Blogging?

No, don’t worry I’m not saying goodbye yet… you’re stuck with me a while longer, but have you ever thought about what happens when you decide to stop blogging? Do you remove content? Do you leave your blog up? What would happen if blogs didn’t exist anymore? Over the past wee while I have had these thoughts pop into my head and I wanted to use this post to explore them.

As some of you may know I started this blog in June 2014 and I have stuck with it for over four years! My blog is where I share what’s going on in my life, what I’ve been buying, the makeup I love and some of my most personal thoughts – it’s almost like a diary. During the four years I have been blogging I have seen many bloggers come and go, others segue into more of a YouTube presence and some stop because of something that’s happened in their life.

I have wondered when’s the right time to go and if blogging ever became unenjoyable and felt like a chore that would be a sign it may be time to move on. During my four years I have had a few breaks here and there and they do help me feel refreshed and miss writing again. If something major happened that meant I couldn’t blog anymore I would be sad but it wouldn’t be the end of the world.

One of the biggest things that puzzles me is what happens to all the words and the posts you’ve written? I know there’s an export tool through WordPress but does that keep all the posts in one place or does it export your site and your theme only? It’s sad to think all of the comments and the words each blogger has carefully written and crafted could just disappear with the click of a button. Personally I don’t draft/write my posts in a program like Microsoft Word then copy them over to WordPress. I draft in WordPress and once that is done posts are scheduled and published. Do people keep backups of all their posts?

If you do decide you want to stop blogging, would you delete your site and remove all the content? If you choose not to delete your site, after a certain amount of time does WordPress do it for you if there’s been no activity? I’ve never heard these things talked about in the blogging world before and maybe I’m naive for not looking into them myself but I’d rather have discussions with my readers than read through articles on Google and not have any personal experiences to go off.

With the likes of Snapchat, Instagram stories and IGTV, micro-blogging is becoming more of a trend. I can see the appeal and it’s quick and easy but I believe there is still a place for blogs. You can’t beat hopping on your laptop and scrolling through a bunch of posts from your favourite bloggers! There’s something about Instagram that seems polished and there’s definitely a certain aesthetic that lots of people follow and stick to. I also feel that you couldn’t write as many words as you can for a blog post because let’s face it who wants to sit there and scroll through Instagram if your captions are 1000 words long. With a blog post it’s easier to digest the length because often words are broken up with pictures. If you don’t read the post straight away it’s easier for you to go back to later, there’s no algorithm that puts certain posts above others.

The rise of social media has no doubt been a contributing factor to the popularity of blogs and the number of people creating a blog in the past 5-6 years. People who choose to start a blog have their own reasons for doing so and I started mine when I was unemployed and looking for a job. Over that time I have grown and learnt so much and while I’ve never seen my blog as super popular, I have come to know of so many lovely people and the people that do take time to read and comment make my day. I don’t blog for money, popularity or freebies. I blog because I enjoy it and it’s my own little place on the internet.

I’m not sure what will happen with blogs in the future but for now I think they’re here to stay! Blogging full time has turned into a career for a number of people and I say good on them for being so dedicated and working hard to do a ‘job’ they love. I put job in inverted commas because there’s a quote that goes, “Choose a job you love and you will never have to work a day in your life.” If you truly love what you do day to day you feel fulfilled and working hard comes easy because it’s fun.

As I said at the beginning of this post, I don’t intend to stop blogging soon. To all of the people who currently blog or those who are thinking of taking the plunge and starting, enjoy it! Once it stops becoming enjoyable it may be time to assess and re-evaluate if it’s still what you want. It’s cliche, but write a blog you’d want to read!


What are your thoughts on how blogging has changed and have you thought about stopping at any point? What would make you stop blogging?

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Hey, It’s Okay… To Be Moody

Hello and welcome to the first Hey, It’s Okay… of 2018! These posts always prove to be popular and even though I don’t write them as often as I once did I still think of ideas for them and topics I feel strongly about.

I wanted to write this post now because I feel like it’s the right time. Recently I have started feeling a little disconnected and like I could just disappear into the background and no one would notice. I don’t mean that to sound attention seeking and I don’t expect to be the centre of attention but some days I go through each day never really having had a conversation or never getting out and doing something. This links back to my mood, it’s easy to get lonely when you don’t socialise or on days you feel tired. The strange thing is I hate being grumpy and feeling sorry for myself so I don’t tend to tell people how I’m really feeling. I pretend everything is fine when some days it’s not. The even stranger part is I love being goofy and laughing and I will always try to do that, even when I’m sad which I guess is a good sign.

We all experience different moods and emotions and many things can trigger those and set them off. I find my mood can switch easily, one minute I will be happy and then the next I am frustrated if my computer is running slow or the cat is scratching at the couch. I can be calm and logical but I can also be anxious and panicked. Overthinking can make me quite anal and I like order and routine and to do things a certain way because that’s how I know they work.

Another reason I wanted to share this post now is to voice some blogging concerns and how they are affecting my mood. I feel like I’m going through a phase where I want change which is kind of strange considering the statement I made in the previous paragraph about liking order and routine. Is blogging going through a quiet phase or is it on the decline? Over the four years I have written this blog many people have been and gone and I have wondered whether my time is up. I am not committing to stopping at this stage. Maybe a break is all I need or writing posts less often and as they come. I would have so much spare time if I didn’t blog and I’m not sure I’d know to fill it which is why I’m leaning towards the break rather than stopping completely.

I don’t just feel like change for the blog, I want change in other aspects of life too. I want a haircut and I am fairly certain I have settled on what I want. My hair is very thick so thinning out is a must but I wouldn’t go drastically shorter, I like my long hair. I also feel like I want to get out and explore. That’s very vague and even I don’t know what I mean or want to do but I’m at the point where new experiences intrigue me; trying things I haven’t before, going new places and adding more excitement into my day. I’m simple but I’m complex. I like to plan but I want to be more spontaneous, I’m quiet but my mind is loud – it’s a paradox. I’m not always sure what I want and that’s where confusion creeps in, not knowing leaves you anxious and susceptible to mood swings. If things go right you’re happy but if they don’t you’re upset.

We can also take on the emotions of those around us and if the people that mean the most are happy or unhappy we don’t always realise it affects us. We can’t be 100% happy all the time, life and people aren’t perfect. No one knows what the correct amount of happy is, it may well be different for all of us and as for what makes us happy that is up to each individual. Some people are lucky and know what they want and what makes them feel good inside. Others can be blinded by temporary fog and only have a few things figured out. They function and get through each day and try to make the best of what they’ve got.


Can you realate to these feelings? Do you experience moodiness?

I want everyone to share one thing that makes them happy in the comments!

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What I’ve Been Reading – Summer

It is time for the second seasonal round up and it means I am halfway through my challenge of trying to read 50 books in 12 months. I started the challenge in September 2017.

At the start of summer I was zooming along, meeting my aim of one book a week. I picked up a few duds along the way and tried to persist with them but they slowed me down. Ideally I would have read 25 books by now but that is not the case. All hits and misses are outlined below.

#1. About Last Night – Catherine Alliott

I had been looking forward to reading this book for a while and sadly I was underwhelmed. I didn’t find it funny or irresistible as the cover suggests. This book took me longer than some of the previous ones I’ve read in this challenge as it wasn’t keeping me interested. The story is kind of dull and there’s not a lot going on. Molly has swapped London for rural Herefordshire and when a relative of her late husband’s leaves a London townhouse in her possession she has to decide whether she will go back to her London lifestyle or make a go of her country life. Along the way the reader meets three potential suitors for Molly and one of the things that kept me reading was to see which one she chooses. The story is long winded but if you’re a fan of this author you’ll probably like it.

#2. After the Funeral – Agatha Christie

I read my first Agatha Christie mystery in the Spring roundup and instantly knew I wanted to read more. As someone who watched the stories on TV before reading them I didn’t realise how quick and easy the books are to read. The stories are well thought out and explained and all loose ends are tied up. I briefly remember this episode of Poirot and was almost certain I knew who the culprit was – I was correct.

#3. The Monogram Murders – Sophie Hannah

I have been on a real Agatha Christie murder mystery kick lately and I discovered Sophie Hannah has written two ‘new’ Hercule Poirot mysteries (I’m hoping for more). The character of Hercule Poirot is captured beautifully and Sophie Hannah does a brilliant job with him. Poirot has a new sidekick, Edward Catchpool who works at Scotland Yard, and the books are told from his point of view. This mystery was exciting, gripping and had plenty of twists and turns. Sophie Hannah’s books are longer than Agatha Christie’s but the story doesn’t feel drawn out. If you’re a Poirot fan, you’ll love them!

#4. The Anxiety Toolkit – Alice Boyes

This book was a quick, easy read but personally I didn’t find it called out to my anxiety. The quizzes at the start of each chapter were useful as it gave you an idea how much each chapter would relate to you and what you might like to take away from that section. I thought the book would include more tips on how to cope with different types of anxiety but it seemed to generalise rather than give specific examples. It didn’t teach me anything about anxiety, for example how many people suffer from it or the common types.

#5. Closed Casket – Sophie Hannah

This is the second ‘new’ Hercule Poirot novel. The story is typical Poirot, the mystery takes place at a grand, upper class house and there is a whole host of suspects. The story is simple and revolves around figuring out whodunnit. Catchpool returns as Poirot’s sidekick and together they find the culprit. I really, really hope Sophie Hannah writes more Poirot mysteries!

#6. How To Find Love In a Bookshop – Veronica Henry

This book was an easy, enjoyable read. The story centres around Emilia who takes over Nightingale Books after her father passes away. Emilia battles trying to keep the shop open with her personal life and we meet some of the bookshop’s customers along the way and learn the books they all cherish. The story felt very real and believable and I will look into other books by Veronica Henry as a result.

#7. Billy & Me – Giovanna Fletcher

I read this book in four days. I thoroughly enjoyed it, especially the way the delicate moments and emotional conversations are written. Sophie May is the lead character who works in the local tea shop, lives with her mum and doesn’t have a lot of friends. When actor Billy Buskin comes to town and sweeps Sophie off her feet, her quiet life starts to turn around. Sophie has to cope with media scrutiny, actor life with Billy as well as her own insecurities. Part of the reason I liked this story so much is because I can relate to some of Sophie’s insecurities. As a reader you’re rooting for Sophie and you want her to be happy. I won’t spoil the book for you but the ending doesn’t disappoint.

Unfinished:

(Any unfinished books will not be included in the total yearly count).

#1. A Is For Arsenic – Kathryn Harkup

I have been enjoying Agatha Christie’s books lately and I thought this non-fiction offering would be just as interesting. Agatha Christie was famous for using various poisons in her stories and this book talks about how they work and references the Agatha Christie stories the poisons are used in. When I borrowed the book I didn’t realise it would be so science based. I find the asterisks and all the footnotes hard to follow, there are multiple on each page. I got 50 pages in before deciding not to continue. Life’s too short to read books that don’t interest you. If you like science you would find this interesting but I’m more into creative stories.

#2. Highland Fling – Katie Fforde

Katie Fforde is an author whose name I’ve seen pop up a lot but I’d never actually read any of her work. I briefly browsed through a list of her books and what they are about and settled on Highland Fling. The story sounds right up my street but this book doesn’t have any action and I almost felt like as I was reading it I didn’t know what was happening. I made it two thirds of the way through before realising I’ve been reading this book for almost a month, (usually I can finish a book in a week) and I’m not enjoying it so I should move onto something else. How long it takes me to read a book is a sign of whether I like it or not.


Books finished in summer = 7.

Total number of books read = 16.

Other posts in the series:


Have you read any of the books mentioned in this post?

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The Handwriting Challenge

Before I get into today’s post, Happy Valentine’s Day lovely readers! Hope you have an enjoyable day whether you are celebrating or not! ❤


At the end of January I was tagged by Galit over at Coffee n’ Notes to do The Handwriting Challenge.

Instead of answering the questions and typing them up, bloggers write down their answers on a piece of paper, take a photo of the piece of paper and share the photo in the blog post. Is it strange I like seeing what other people’s handwriting looks like? People always tell me mine is so neat and straight but in my opinion it’s all down to the pen. Some pens are more steady to write with and those are the ones I prefer. Hope you enjoy the post!

The Questions I Answered:

  1. Write your name
  2. Write your blog’s name
  3. Write your favorite word and its definition
  4. Write something nice
  5. Write the name of your favorite song right now
  6. What are you writing with?
  7. Write a fun fact about yourself
  8. Write/draw your favorite emoticon
  9. Write a silly message
  10. Write who you’re tagging

My Answers:

I nominate:


Please don’t feel obliged to do the tag, just if you want to! If I didn’t tag you also feel free to take part and let me know if you do so I can check out your post!

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What I Do In a Day #3

This is a blog series I know I can come back to. This is only the third post in two years but they are easy and fun posts to write and you get to see into my day and life, the other side that isn’t blogging Chanelle. It’s like the written edition of a vlog!

The day this post refers to Thursday, 18th January 2018.


8:28 a.m. – Get up and take morning medication.

8:30 a.m. – Back to bed.

10:25 a.m. – Wake up. Check emails and social media.

11:07 a.m. – Late breakfast; a banana.

11:30 a.m. – Yoga. (This was my first yoga of the year and I eased myself in with Yoga With Adrienne’s Chair Yoga).

12:55 p.m. – Shower and get dressed. The weather was cooler so I opted for black ponte pants, a t-shirt and a cream jumper.

1:50 p.m. Lunch; rice risotto.

2:45 p.m. – Start London jigsaw.

3:43 p.m. – Photograph books for my reading challenge.

4:59 p.m. – Took delivery of MAC pigment in Tan.

6:07 p.m. – Made a list of cat names I like.

6:26 p.m. – Blog post writing.

6:34 p.m. – Listened to music on Spotify.

7:17 p.m. – Dinner; sweetcorn and cheese and potato toasted sandwich.

8:28 p.m. – Hot drink in the cup my boyfriend bought me for Christmas whilst watching TV.

9:11 p.m. – Vanilla ice cream and custard for dessert.

9:44 p.m. – Journalled.

10:20 p.m. – Laptop and listen to music.

11:53 p.m. Bedtime.


How did you spend your last day off from work/school etc.?

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Hello 2018!

Happy New Year! I hope the first day of 2018 is good to you and the other 364 days follow suit!

Generally my first post of the New Year is to wish my readers and fellow bloggers well and discuss what’s to come in the next 12 months. The second half of 2017 made me really enjoy blogging again after losing my way at the beginning of 2017 due to unforeseen circumstances. The past few months got me thinking of changes I can make without losing the essence of my blog and here is a small list I’ve come up with:

  1. I purchased a DSLR camera in July 2017 and improving and getting better at blog photography is the first thing on my list. I have been using my DSLR for the majority of blog photos since July 2017 and have had a head start but practice makes perfect!
  2. I will be publishing three posts per week. My old Monday, Wednesday, Friday schedule will resume. In December 2017 I started posting at 8am (NZ time) and will trial that time slot for another couple of months.
  3. Fridays will be dedicated to a new weekly series, Redhead Rambles. The first post will be up on January 5th.
  4. #PinterestThoughtTuesday will continue on Instagram. (Follow me @chanellehayley_).
  5. Would you still like to see my Gratitude Journal/Happiness Highlights posts at the end of each month? There aren’t my most popular but if you enjoy them they will stay!

Now onto the personal side of things:

In 2017 I set five main goals and I’m proud to say I succeeded with four of them; exercise regularly, take each day as it comes, don’t stress about blogging and cut down on social media. The only goal I didn’t work on as much as the others was to drive. Driving makes me very nervous and I accept it will take time for me to get comfortable and that’s okay, I will get there.

Honestly, I don’t have any major goals for 2018. There are a few areas I want to focus on (lose weight, get better with my DSLR, read 50 books by the start of September) but mainly I want to live life and see what happens – I’m open to possibilities. Throughout the year I may set some goals but currently the only thing I want is to be happy.


I wish you all an amazing 2018 and I hope it brings everything you want! Spread love and positivity but don’t forget to look after yourself!

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Hey, It’s Okay… To Be Anxious

I published my last Hey, It’s Okay… in July this year and if you’ve been a reader of my blog for a while you will remember it was a monthly series back in 2016. These posts are always raw and honest and this could perhaps be the most personal yet. I wanted to write it before the end of the year so you can understand where my head has been at and try to leave as much of these feelings in 2017 as I can.

If you asked me a couple of years ago what anxiety was I would have put it in the same category as other mental illnesses and understood it was very serious but I didn’t actually know what it was or how it affected people; not in a naive way but I didn’t know enough to form an explanation.

Honestly, I had a difficult time this year and I’m still getting over it. My mum was seriously ill and I was not only worried about her but things at my old job came to a head. I started to feel trapped and insular and I was just getting up each day because I had to. I was tired all the time, some days I would feel sick and I was just low. I vividly remember Mothers Day in May. I was working half a day from 9am-1pm and the whole morning I felt sick to my stomach, I was shaking and I had a strange feeling like I couldn’t breathe. The feeling of not being able to breathe became more regular. I suffer from asthma but it was a much tighter feeling and higher up my chest. I wondered if the breathlessness was a side effect of my contraceptive pill – I now know it wasn’t.

I’d been to my doctor about the tiredness and had blood tests done and my B12 levels were a bit low so I purchased some supplements which at the time I think did help. The stress and breathlessness weren’t going away and I returned to the doctor (in tears each time) and he said it sounds like I’d been having panic attacks. I knew that was a symptom of anxiety but I brushed it off because in my head I didn’t realise how bad things had got. I will state I have not been diagnosed with anxiety and I don’t take any medication for it but I did get help and I am thankful. I saw a counselor and the first session was so hard because it meant letting the thoughts in my head out and having to tell someone and have them listen. I had four sessions in total.

Now when I look back at myself during that time it feels like I was a completely different person. I was scared and I felt like I was going crazy but the panic and the angst were very real. It also made me realise that I am naturally an anxious person but during that period the anxiousness was out of control and it wasn’t ‘normal’. Everyone has a different idea of what normal is and what affects one person might not affect another but that’s why we should be so mindful, who are we to judge someone else’s pain.

At the time no one really knew what I was going through apart from my mum. My boyfriend kind of knew but I tried to be strong and I didn’t want my anxiety to get in the way of our time together. I didn’t purposely not tell people but I went through it by myself as there wasn’t really anyone to lean on for support. I know I am strong and going through this made me tougher. There is nothing more important than happiness and being happy. I was brave enough to step away from a toxic situation.

I am still getting over everything and still have days where I feel anxious or don’t have a lot of energy and feel tired. I now accept that I do get symptoms of anxiety but from now on I will be better equipped on how they present themselves and how to deal with them. I don’t want to ever go back to that place.


Do you or anyone you know get anxious? I hope this post can help someone who might be going through a tough time. Thank you for reading.

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What I’ve Been Reading – Spring

At the beginning of September I announced a new blog series, What I’ve Been Reading. At the end of each season I will be rounding up the books I have read during that three month period and discussing them. My goal is to read 50 books throughout the duration of the year, which roughly equates to one a week.

Here’s the first roundup:

#1: The Singles Game – Lauren Weisberger

Anyone for tennis? First off, I’m a huge fan of the cover of this book. It’s girly and the camera doesn’t pick it up but the gold bits are reflective. Lauren Weisberger, New York Times bestselling author (The Devil Wears Prada, Revenge Wears Prada) gives us a dishy tell-all about a tennis prodigy who changes coaches and begins making headlines on and off the court. Charlie fires her coach following a devastating loss and injury and becomes Todd Feltner’s first ever female player. He has strict rules and a game plan to turn Charlie into a ruthless competitor. Charlie travels the globe, plays charity matches, models in photo shoots and walks the red carpet, all with sexy Spaniard, Marco Vallejo at her side. Can the illusion last or will Charlie turn her back on Todd and her new lifestyle? The detail and knowledge about the tennis tournaments is well written but the plot didn’t seem realistic. The ending wasn’t predictable though and it was nice to stay hooked until the end. Not a bad read but nothing particularly memorable.

#2: A Walk In the Park – Jill Mansell

Lara Carson returns to Bath after eighteen years. Her best friend Evie is getting married and Lara’s ex-boyfriend, Flynn, turns up at the wedding which doesn’t end up going ahead. It’s not long before Flynn discovers the reason Lara left all those years ago, she was pregnant with his child. Lara has to juggle sharing her daughter with Flynn, looking after Evie and coming to terms with her feelings for Flynn – could there be a spark after all that time? The storyline is well written but I wasn’t a big fan of the ending. It was predictable and left me wanting more, it didn’t feel complete. I did enjoy the book overall and I will consider other books by Jill Mansell.

#3: What I Did On My Holidays – Chrissie Manby

I absolutely loved this book! It was laugh out loud funny and a really easy book to read. The plot wasn’t one I’d read before and the storyline was succinct but still well developed. The book follows Sophie Sturgeon and her upcoming trip to Majorca. The night before she’s set to leave, her boyfriend and meant to be holiday companion, Callum, dumps her. Sophie decides to hide in her London flat with her sister and recreate the ultimate fake break. The results are hilarious and prove things don’t always go as planned, much like real life. Sophie is a lovable character who wants the best for everyone and a character who by the end of the book is not afraid to act in her best interests.

#4: It Started With Paris – Cathy Kelly

This is one of my favourite books on the list! The cover is really cute and you can tell straight away there’s going to be romance running through it. At the beginning you’re introduced to a lot of characters but as the story goes on it makes sense and you see how they tie in together. The book begins with a young man proposing to his girlfriend at the top of the Eiffel Tower. Things don’t only begin to change for the happy couple, but for their friends and family back in Ireland too. The tales of all characters are weaved in together and it gave me a sense of a small town where everyone knows everybody else, in a good way. The core love theme is really sweet and while it’s not always smooth sailing it’s a very real part of life. The ending wasn’t predictable and left me feeling happy. Matters were resolved and I wasn’t left with any questions. I highly recommend this book – it is lengthy but certainly wasn’t boring, there was always something happening to hold my attention.

#5: The Beginner’s Photography Guide – Chris Gatcum

The first non-fiction offering! As you may know I purchased a Canon 700D DSLR camera in July and I try to get my camera out as much as possible. I know the basics and do use manual mode but I thought this book would have some great tips and tricks. I flicked through it in one afternoon and in all honesty didn’t find it that useful. There were sections that only apply if you have multiple lenses and camera accessories and equipment and I thought if you are a true beginner, chances are you’re not going to have those. The book was an easy read and I did learn a few things but it’s not essential if you’re a DSLR user.

#6: Dead Man’s Folly – Agatha Christie

I have watched many an episode of Poirot in my time but this is the first of Agatha Christie’s stories I have read. David Suchet does such a magnificent job playing Hercule Poirot, he plays the part beautifully and he was what I could picture as I read the book. I enjoy mystery stories and I really liked this one because it was short and didn’t get confusing. I can see why a lot of people are fans of Agatha Christie. I would love to read more of her Poirot mysteries, they’re easy to read and it’s nice to throw mystery in amongst what I normally read.

#7: Poirot and Me – David Suchet

This book was so sweet. I read it immediately after Dead Man’s Folly and it tells of such a happy, momentous period of David Suchet’s life. He played Poirot on screen for 25 years and got to fulfill his dream of bringing all 70 stories to television. The book focuses on Suchet’s Poirot years but he also talks of other acting opportunities, funny moments and small snippets of his family life. Throughout the book you can feel the joy he felt playing Poirot and on many occasions describes Poirot as his friend. If you are a fan of David Suchet or Poirot you won’t regret reading this!

#8: Beautiful Messy Love – Tess Woods

I didn’t enjoy this book. The story is broken down into chapters each featuring one of four main characters. The connection between the characters, essentially two couples is established early on. I did like reading the viewpoints/perspectives of each character and that there wasn’t repetitive content and the same story told four times. I didn’t find the humour funny and I found some of the ‘nitty gritty’ immature. The sexual moments were very blatant, I’m no prude but there was nothing left to the imagination. The title gives off this sweet, love story vibe and the plot doesn’t represent that. My least favourite of the finished fiction books.

#9: The Love of a Lifetime – Melissa Hill

I saw this book in a store earlier in 2017 and knew instantly I wanted to read it. It is a classic love story and follows main character Beth and her passion for Hollywood movies. Beth and her boyfriend Danny have been together for seven years but has their initial romance settled into something more predictable? Following an anonymous coffee delivery at work Beth is led on a treasure hunt using clues from rom-com movies. The big question is, is it Danny or new work colleague Ryan? The book did keep me guessing all the way through although I did have an inkling who the mysterious man turned out to be, the ending was not what I expected. The ending plays an important role to a key part of the story and is very clever. Loved this book!

Unfinished:

#1. Better Together – Sheila O’Flanagan

This book will not be included in the count for Spring as I didn’t finish it. I started reading the book but straight away I couldn’t get into it. I did feel sympathy for the main character, Sheridan, unlike a few reviews I read on Good Reads and didn’t find her annoying as some readers did. I got about 200 pages into the book (large print edition) before giving up and deciding not to carry on reading it. The storyline was slow, nothing seemed to happen and the sports journalism element of the story wasn’t appealing to me. I don’t know if the book would have had more romance if I had continued reading but I wanted romance to be prominent from the start. This is one of the first books in a long time I haven’t finished and stopped reading part way through because it didn’t pique my interest. I would be interested to hear whether any of you have read this book and what your thoughts are.


Total number of books read = 9.


I got off to a slow start but was making better progress by the end of September. I am in a routine with my job now and try to make time for reading everyday. At this stage it’s too early to tell if I’ll reach my goal of 50 books but it’ll be fun trying!

Have you read any of the books mentioned in this post? Do you want to?

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