Hello + An Explanation

Hello, how are you? I hope you’re doing well! Sitting down to write this feels a little strange, it’s been over a month since I last posted and I think that’s the longest time I have gone without blogging without planning to. Let me start by saying July was an EXPERIENCE. It was definitely the hardest month of 2020 so far for me. I wanted to document some of what has happened to help me process it better.

The first few days of July started off well considering I had my second bout of tonsillitis for the year and was waiting for the result of my Covid swab. (It was negative by the way, don’t worry. I was advised to get swabbed as a result of my sore throat but the doctor and I were confident it would be negative). I was also talking to a guy and had been for the previous four months, pre-Covid and pre-lockdown. I’m very much a one person at a time girl and I was proud of myself for managing to keep this exchange going for that amount of time. I did have the occasional wobble and think am I boring this guy but then I told myself he wouldn’t message almost everyday for four months if he didn’t enjoy the conversation. We’d mentioned meeting in person more than once and obviously the first two months we chatted people couldn’t go out and socialise so I figured once the levels dropped it would happen. I get a little nervous when it comes to making plans because so many times they haven’t ended up happening or guys flake out and disappear off the face of the earth.

I had a Friday off work coming up and found out this guy finished work early on a Friday so I suggested we meet the following week to grab some food to which he agreed. The new week arrives and I don’t hear anything for a couple of days but I’m not someone who is always on my phone and understand life gets busy so I didn’t worry. On Thursday of that week my mum starts getting chills and feeling really cold and a few hours later her breathing starts going down. My mum is a severe asthmatic and any little niggle sets it off. The next day her breathing was continuing to decline and I mentioned seeing the doctor but I know how much they scare her. If I can keep her calm we can manage but the following day (Saturday) she called an ambulance and was admitted to hospital. This began two and a half weeks of struggles for both of us, I knew she was in the best place to get help but she wasn’t getting the help she needed. There were a number of mistakes made and things that didn’t need to happen that did.

The first week we saw progress and I managed to go to work and visit in the afternoons but things changed when a doctor prescribed her morphine. I still don’t understand why it was prescribed because she wasn’t complaining about pain. The drug didn’t fully affect her for a few days and then I started to notice strange behaviour. Mum seemed paranoid/scared, angry, not interested in talking to me, confused and was hallucinating and seeing things in her room that weren’t there. It was frightening to watch and she wasn’t aware she was acting that way which was more concerning. This was week two and I was barely at work, I wasn’t coming home in the evenings like the previous week because I was scared to leave her and she was scared when I wasn’t there. I basically lived at the hospital. I requested the doctors stop giving morphine and they did but the comedown was hard. The worst day was Thursday, July 23rd. I phoned my brother and urged him to come down as up until that point I was doing everything on my own and I hadn’t slept and eaten properly for days. I also phoned my boss in a state and she was so kind and understanding and later that day a work colleague came up to see if I was alright and took me to get something to eat.

My brother arrived on Friday and on Friday mum had improved from the day before. The doctors came around to say she would be discharged and we could go home. Mum was so happy to come home after being in hospital for two weeks but around 12 hours after being discharged she was re-admitted with dehydration. Mum had been on a machine that was helping her to breathe but because it pumps warm air into your body she was sweating a lot and losing her fluids. Mum was put on a drip which is something I thought they would have done before the re-admission. A couple of days later she was discharged again and has been home since. We did have a third setback and she ended up needing a second course of antibiotics from her GP but fingers crossed we’re on the home stretch now.

This takes me back to the guy I was talking to. I haven’t heard from him since before mum went into hospital which is about a month ago now. I did think about messaging him occasionally but most days didn’t have time, things would change that often and were unpredictable. I was also curious if he’d check in with me and he didn’t so I had a feeling I was going to be ghosted. A couple of days before the end of July I messaged him and explained what had happened and didn’t get a response. I’m not completely cruel and don’t like to think bad of people and maybe there’s something else going on there that I didn’t know about or he has been hurt before but it still sucks if someone doesn’t have the balls to be honest and can’t give you an explanation. It might be uncomfortable at the time but in the long run it’s less painful. I am close to giving up on trying to find a relationship to be honest, it’s hard to give so much of yourself and get nothing back and to feel like you’ve given time to someone who is stringing you along is disheartening.

July was a real mix of emotions and despite the crappy hand I was dealt there were also good moments. Ellie Goulding released a new album, Delta Goodrem announced shows in New Zealand for next April and I learnt yet more life lessons about people and who to trust. As twisted as it sounds the bad can sometimes lead to the good. Let’s hope the rest of the year is calmer and better things are around the corner.

Let me know what you’ve been up to in the last month?

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Redhead Rambles #23

Hello everyone and welcome to ‘Redhead Rambles’. The series does what it says on the tin, it is a redhead (me) rambling about her week. I share what I’ve been up to each week, how I’ve been feeling and what I’ve been listening to or watching. Occasionally I will my share favourite blog posts and links I’ve found useful or interesting.

  • On Friday afternoon mum and I went into town. Even though there was sun I was so cold, I had four layers on. I ended up buying a new pillow which I have been using for the past week and so far so good.
  • I had leftover apple crumble from the previous night for dessert and it was even better the second night.
  • I woke up on Saturday feeling sick again. This is the third time I’ve been sick in two months.
  • Despite feeling sick I went into town again and bought a facial oil from Trilogy (which I’m yet to try) and another new bra, that’s the second bra I’ve bought in the past month which has been up to Chanelle standard and I had gift cards so it ended up being free!
  • I loved my makeup and outfit on Saturday. You may have seen on Instagram I paired black skinny jeans with a light blue jumper tucked in and a bright red lip.
  • On Monday I made an appointment with the doctor for after work to try and get on top of things and to see if there is anything she could recommend to stop me getting sick. If you saw my rant on Instagram stories you’ll know the appointment didn’t go well at all. I was basically made to feel like I was wasting time being there and I didn’t need to see a doctor, I just needed to stop pitying myself and was told to go and look up self love on the internet. Safe to say I won’t be seeing that doctor again!
  • I’ve had a couple of phone calls with my brother. He is coming down to visit and stay for a couple of days next week so I hope I’m feeling better by then.
  • Thursday meant I could sleep in, get up when I wanted and rest and take it easy. I did some blog post planning and I will be going back to three posts a week in a couple of weeks. I watched some YouTube videos on my iPad and read.

What I’ve been listening to:

5 Seconds of Summer – Youngblood – I’m not a die hard fan of the group but this track is damn catchy! Some of the lyrics resonate with me and it’s one of those songs you want to listen to on repeat.

Sean Paul and Ellie Goulding – Bad Love – Literally everything Ellie touches I love! Sean Paul’s sound isn’t what I listen to but because Ellie is on this track I like it.

How was your week?

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September Favourites 2017

September is the first month into my library job and work wise I’ve been less stressed and happier. Health wise I have been sick all month. I have always had trouble with my nose and my sinuses have been giving me grief. I got antibiotics but after I finished them the problem came back so I tried a sinus rinse which has been helping a lot. As a result of being sick I have felt lethargic and haven’t felt like doing much. Fingers crossed I’m better soon!

Onto this month’s favourites:

1. Shane Filan – Love Always – I have mentioned Shane Filan a number of times on the blog. He has one of the best voices and is one of my favourites to listen to. He released his third studio album, Love Always, in August and I have had it on repeat the past couple of weeks. My signed copy arrived a fortnight ago and the album is better than I thought it would be. The majority of songs are covers of famous love songs and I was in two minds about buying the album originally as I’m not the biggest fan of cover albums but Shane puts his own spin on each track and the album is cohesive. Standout Tracks: Don’t Dream It’s Over, Beautiful In White, Completely, Unbreakable and I Can’t Make You Love Me.

2. Vaseline Cocoa Butter Lip Butter – Being sick my lips have been cracked and dry and this has been my saviour! I bought this lip butter last year and it is perfect when my lips need extra care. It smells like chocolate and smells very similar to my Cocoa Butter body butter from The Body Shop. The little pot is the cutest!

3. Navy Blue Fluffy Jumper – This is my favourite cosy jumper and I seem to have worn it a lot this month. The jumper is very warm and I love the colour, it goes so well with my hair. I wear this jumper casually and to work and it always gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling when I do.

4. Revlon – Beginner’s Luck – I had a makeup declutter and almost gave this nail polish away. I had a pile of shades I wasn’t sure about and swatched them on paper. I wasn’t convinced enough to give this shade away and couldn’t wait to try it on again. I am glad I kept it. It is a subtle, shimmery shade that is great for everyday and the formula is dreamy.

5. Reading – At the start of the month I mentioned I would be starting a new blogging series: What I’ve Been Reading. Working at the library it only seems appropriate I make an active effort to read more and I’m slowly working through a small pile of books. I have been pretty busy this month and haven’t had much time to read but I have been enjoying the moments I have been able to. I love getting lost in a good story. Sadly, I haven’t been hitting my one book a week quota so far.

September’s Spotify Playlist:


What were your favourite things in September?

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Sick Day Essentials

Sick Day EssentialsHello lovelies! How was your weekend? I hope it was a lot better than mine! I wasn’t feeling the best so I spent most of my weekend in bed but I still found enough energy to take a few pictures and get the majority of work done for this week’s blog posts.

I got a sore throat in the middle of last week and I hoped it wasn’t going to turn into anything serious as my colds normally start in my nose. The downside to working in a pharmacy is how easy it is to be exposed to illness. I should be thankful I don’t get sick very often but when I do I have to be very careful as I’m asthmatic and have to make sure my breathing is okay. Here’s an insight into what the past few days have been like for me and what has kept me distracted from feeling so rotten.

1. Cough lozenges, medicine etc.

This is pretty bog standard when it comes to getting through a cold and I’ve been using it all from cough lozenges to paracetamol to nasal spray. The Strepsils Honey & Lemon lozenges have really made a difference. These lozenges contain two antibacterial agents to help kill the bacteria causing my sore throat and help soothe my throat.

2. iPhone

I’ve loved being able to use my phone for multiple purposes this weekend. I’m currently obsessed with playing Candy Crush Soda so I’ve been using it for that as well as my own little sound system. The speakers are great quality and playing songs on my phone as opposed to my laptop means I don’t have to turn the device off and reshuffle the songs everyday. I’m one of those people who hardly has a day where I don’t let my music play through without skipping a song.

I was lying in bed on Saturday night scrolling through everybody’s posts using the WordPress app as well – so handy!

3. Dainty Doll – Wonderbalm

Is it just me who gets really dry lips when they’re sick? Dainty Doll’s Wonderbalm is the perfect thing to use as a lipbalm to keep lips nourished and supple. It sinks in and doesn’t leave a sticky feeling or leave bits of dry skin on the lips. It certainly lives up to its name!

4. Reading Material

Whether it be a book or magazines, reading is a great way to pass the time and keep your mind occupied. I decided to started re-reading Shane Filan’s autobiography My Side of Life. I read it within a matter of days last time and he always makes me smile so it’s a lovely distraction.

5. YouTube + Catching up on TV shows

I have been getting into YouTube and Vloggers a lot lately and I couldn’t wait to catch up on videos from Lily Pebbles and Vivianna Does Makeup. They are such great girls, always have interesting videos and are naturals in front of the camera.

At the weekend I also took the time to catch up on American drama series Revenge. I have watched it from the very first episode and series four (the last one) is airing in New Zealand at the moment. I’ve got four episodes left. To those of you who have already seen it/finished it, no spoilers please!

6. Homemade vegetable soup

My mum’s homemade vegetable soup is one of the highlights of the winter season for me and I very kindly asked her to make some as I thought it would make me feel better. It’s so yummy and healthy – I end up getting my five a day in one cup. (And when you have multiple cups a day…)

7. Chocolate

I’m not much of a sweet tooth and maybe this weekend I’ve indulged in chocolate more than I should, but I’m allowed right?! I’m definitely not a chocoholic but I do have a soft spot for Caramello – that combination of milk chocolate and smooth caramel is divine! Eating chocolate releases endorphins to make you feel happy and feel good which is what you need when you’re not well. Quite often I have chocolate when I have a headache and it always makes me feel better.

Caramello chocolate

Shhh!

Saturday was the worst day and I’m definitely feeling a lot better now than I was at the weekend.

Let me know in the comments what makes you feel better when you’re sick!

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