By now on the blog it’s tradition that the first post of the year will be wishing everyone a Happy New Year and sharing some words of wisdom.
Nobody knows what 2021 will hold but we want it to be ‘better’. I don’t have any expectations so that way I can’t be disappointed. 2020 was challenging for a lot of people (myself included) but there were also good moments. I try not to focus on the bad but realistically it’s not always easy. I applaud myself for getting back up each time something goes wrong and the idealist in me never loses hope that one day everything will be okay and it will all make sense. I don’t want this year to start off on a negative note so, goodbye 2020, I’m not sad to see you go and let’s move on!
The past 12 months were relatively quiet on the blog and initially I feel 2021 will follow a similar pattern. I have post ideas in the pipeline and will write when I get time and feel inspired but gone are the days when I would churn out new posts each week. I turn 26 at the end of the month and I will have been blogging seven (!!!) years in June – it’s understandable that over that length of time circumstances change. Blogging doesn’t hold the place in my heart that it used to but I still enjoy it and don’t want to stop.
For 2021 I need to be more selfish with my time and do what helps me to be happy and stay relaxed and as less stressed as possible. I’m getting better at being assertive and saying no and not feeling guilty for it. Often I feel like I’m letting people down but at the end of the day that person is me 90% of the time. This is me saying I’m done and I don’t want that any more.
Keeping a bullet journal is one thing that fell by the wayside in 2020 and when I’m able to clear my head and have a place to organise my thoughts it helps a lot. I didn’t have many pages left in my current bullet journal so I purchased a new one to begin 2021 and I can’t wait to spend time setting it up. Exercise is another thing that helps me feel good within myself. I got back into a routine during April/May last year and over the past 10 days I’ve started using the exercycle again. I’m going to try hard to keep it up!
2021 is the year I wish to welcome proper happiness. I want to let go of some of the fear I carry with me daily and embrace new things and experiences with people… who knows what the next 365 days will bring!
What are you excited for this year? Do you have any goals for 2021?
I hope you all had a lovely Christmas Day even if you weren’t able to do what you had originally planned. Mine was very low-key, I was at home with my mum and one of my aunts and we had a big lunch. We didn’t really do presents which helps keeps things less stressful and the food was really yummy! I scored the crackling on the roast pork, was on cream whipping and strawberry cutting duties for dessert and also helped with general prep and cooking.
I’m ending the year strongly and going out with a bang with these favourites! These all make me happy and have brought me lots of enjoyment over the past few weeks.
1. Kylie – DISCO – I was meant to include this in November’s favourites but somehow it slipped my mind. I am a huge Kylie fan and every time I listen to DISCO I love the songs more. The overall sound of the album is very cohesive and Kylie co-wrote on each track as well as engineering vocals and synths at her home studio during the pandemic. The sound is very much in Kylie’s dance-pop lane and it is exactly what 2020 needs, 50 minutes of energetic fun that makes you happy and forget about any worries for a while. This is my favourite Kylie album since Aphrodite. Standout Tracks: Magic, Miss a Thing, Real Groove, Say Something, I Love It, Dance Floor Darling and Celebrate You.
2. Steps – What the Future Holds – Another album that I have not stopped listening to since release! This album is incredibly special as the booklet is signed by all members of Steps and 11 year old Chanelle never dreamed she would own something like this. It’s even more special as I was meant to be seeing Steps in May but because of Covid the show was cancelled. I was heartbroken but I’m determined to see them live one day. Steps represent so much happiness in my life and I’m thankful the album was released this year. Vocally I feel Lisa and Lee shine on this album (they all sound good but it’s clear to see the vocals are shared more evenly and these two have such beautiful voices as well). Standout Tracks: What the Future Holds, Something In Your Eyes, To the Beat of My Heart, One Touch, Under My Skin, Heartbreak In This City and Come and Dance With Me.
3. Fenty Gloss Bomb in Fu$$y – This gloss arrived in September as part of a mini set and I can’t believe I haven’t mentioned it in a favourites post yet. I’ve really enjoyed wearing gloss this year and found some great formulas that aren’t sticky and feel comfortable. Fu$$y is described as a soft romantic pink, it has a little bit of shimmer and can look quite sheer when worn on it’s own but it’s lovely on no makeup makeup days or applied over top of a lipstick for a bit of shine. The scent of this is amazing, it needs to be made into a fragrance (you can thank me later Rihanna).
4. In the Frow x Edge of Ember Birthstone Necklace and Nova Ring – In October Victoria (known as In the Frow on YouTube) launched a jewellery collaboration with Edge of Ember. I picked up two pieces and whilst I spent more than I tend to on jewellery I don’t regret it! The pieces are dainty and beautiful and the quality is up there too. I’m not a fan of chunky, heavy pieces and prefer things that are subtle and elegant.
The silver Nova ring is lightweight and simple but it goes with everything, the stone in the middle is a white topaz. Usually I prefer silver to gold but what drew me to the birthstone necklace was the simplicity of one stone on the chain. My birthday is in January so my birthstone is garnet and the red and gold work well together. The length of the chain is adjustable which is nice depending on how you like necklaces to sit and what you’re wearing with it.
I took some time to reflect on the year that has been and unwind and get ready for 2021. I know lots of people hate January but I really appreciate the slow period and setting things up to begin again.
Finishing work on Christmas Eve and knowing I have almost two weeks off. This is my first proper annual leave since February that won’t involve hospitals and where I can do things for me.
My boyfriend finishing work early on Christmas Eve and coming to see me after not being able to see each other for a week. He also came to visit on Christmas Day so we could exchange presents.
The first bite of pavlova on Christmas Day was amazing!
December’s Spotify Playlist:
How was your month? Share one of your highlights in the comments!
Read part one of my tonsillectomy journey that was published on Wednesday *HERE*. That post talked about events leading up to the surgery and what happened on the day of the surgery. This post is a diary documenting pain and the recovery process. They say it takes adults approximately 2 weeks to recover from a tonsillectomy and for the most part I agree. For the first week I didn’t have much of an appetite but a week after the surgery I hit a turning point and things started to improve.
Wednesday October 7
The pain isn’t unbearable but my mouth feels dry so I make sure to drink regularly. I managed to eat toast and fruit salad for breakfast and I was given my discharge papers around 9am. Mum picked me up an hour later and on the way home we stopped at a pharmacy to fill my prescription. I had icecream when I got home but it wasn’t very enjoyable. I was still tired from the anesthetic and had a sleep in the early afternoon.
Thursday October 8
The pain is definitely more noticeable and I feel like I can’t talk very well and have a swollen tongue. There feels like extra saliva in my mouth which causes me to dribble in my sleep. I spent most of the day relaxing in bed. I caught up on a bunch of YouTube videos and listened to some podcasts. I also had slight bruises forming on each of my cheeks near the back. For dinner I had an omelette and mashed potato.
Friday October 9
This was probably my least favourite recovery day. I’d say pain was at the highest on this day and I had two tramadol capsules along with paracetamol and ibuprofen throughout the day. This was the first time I had taken tramadol but didn’t notice any side effects which is good. I brushed my teeth for the first time since Tuesday, I wanted to to give it a couple of days so I wouldn’t hurt my mouth or disturb the wound. I really didn’t eat much or feel hungry today but by the afternoon I felt sick and lightheaded and knew I had to eat something. I spent most of the day asleep. I managed an iceblock in the evening but even licking wasn’t easy with a swollen tongue.
Saturday October 10
I woke up quite early and went on my phone for a while. I was a little frustrated that I couldn’t eat much at this point and earache like pain started which made me a bit grumpy. Mum and I watched a movie in the afternoon then I went back to bed and had a nap. I felt well enough to have my first shower since the surgery in the evening and also started a new book.
Sunday October 11
This is the first day I didn’t need a nap since surgery. My tongue was still swollen and I had pain in my right ear when I ate/chewed. I was back on tramadol and took one capsule when I woke up. Mum and I popped out to vote and pick up our groceries. In the afternoon I watched The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo and really enjoyed it. Perhaps I’ll check out the other films in the series too.
Monday October 12
I reached for another tramadol again today but it is the last one I needed to take during recovery. I woke up with a bit of pain but the regular taking of painkillers keeps on top of everything. I think I sneezed for the first time since the operation which was extremely uncomfortable. In the evening I painted my nails for the first time in months using Silky Negligee from Revlon.
Tuesday October 13
This was the pivotal day in which everything started to turn. Still taking painkillers at regular intervals and managing pain ok but my tongue didn’t feel as swollen. I placed a couple of online orders, one with MECCA (MECCA is like the NZ/Oz Sephora) and one with Colourpop. I had my first proper dinner in a week and managed butter chicken (cut the pieces up small), rice and naan bread and it was delicious!
Wednesday October 14
Yesterday was definitely the turning point. I was able to eat larger portions of food, had minimal mouth and ear pain but still a little sensitivity if having something cold. I posted photos of makeup items I’m keen to pass on to Instagram and watched the 2018 film Whitney about Whitney Houston. I love watching music documentary films.
Thursday October 15
This is the first day I noticed there wasn’t any pain with eating and the tooth and ear sensitivity had calmed down. The dribbling in my sleep seems to have calmed down too. It was really cold and wet weather wise. I finished my second book of recovery, I haven’t read as much as I would have liked but for the first week I was very tired.
Friday October 16
A relatively pain free day. Had to run a couple of errands; popped to the supermarket and picked up the bits I ordered from Mecca on Tuesday. I did give authority to leave the box in the mailbox but the courier didn’t see that instruction which was a little frustrating. Also treated myself to a couple of jewellery pieces from In the Frow’s Edge of Ember collection. I like simple jewellery pieces and I tend to prefer silver so I chose a dainty little ring with a white topaz stone and a birthstone necklace. The garnet pendant looks elegant on the gold chain.
Saturday October 17
Woke up at 6am and couldn’t get back to sleep. Pretty much pain free from this point on. Did a full face of makeup for the first time in almost two weeks. Listened to music for the first time properly in ages and even managed to sing a little.
Sunday October 18
I didn’t have a very peaceful sleep. Had quite a productive day getting a few jobs done around home like laundry and washing my makeup brushes. Picked up the grocery order in the afternoon and had fish and chips for tea. My appetite had well and truly returned by this point.
Monday October 19
I returned to work. My biggest worry was what to take for lunches as I’m still trying to eat food that’s easy to swallow and nothing too hard or crunchy. I coped fine and it was nice to see everyone again! One of my colleagues left a packet of my favourite chocolates on my desk which was so sweet and thoughtful. I spent most of the day catching up on emails.
Tuesday October 20
Two weeks since surgery! I had an annoying headache most of the day, possibly due to not sleeping well the previous few nights. Nothing much else to report.
I hope you enjoyed reading these posts and getting an insight into what recovery has been like. In all honesty the pain wasn’t terrible and I’m thankful it was mostly manageable with paracetamol and ibuprofen. If you still have your tonsils and get regular bouts of tonsillitis it’s worth considering getting them removed. Give yourself a good couple of weeks to rest and take it easy. Regular painkillers are the key. You will be over sugar and sweet food by about day three but push through and be kind to yourself and your body. Everyone has a different rate of recovery and while I noticed a big change after a week it may take someone else 10 days or two weeks to start making progress. At the moment I can’t say whether the removal has made a difference but it will be interesting to see what happens the next time I get a cold.
I promise I will stop going on about my tonsils and getting them out eventually. I wanted to write this post as I thought it would be helpful to anyone else going through something similar. The post will be split into two parts, this part will give a brief history of my experience with tonsillitis and talk about the procedure and part two will be a recovery diary.
Up until this past year I didn’t have trouble with my tonsils, if I got a cold it was always my nose that was the problem. On March 1st I woke up with the driest, scratchiest throat I’ve ever had and no matter how much I was drinking the dryness wouldn’t go away. It turned into a cold and a few days later I went and saw a doctor who told me it looks like tonsillitis. I was given antibiotics which were too high a dose so I ended up with stomach pains and cramps and couldn’t keep the antibiotics in me. This meant the antibiotics weren’t effective and the tonsillitis didn’t completely go away. A few weeks later I returned to the doctor and was prescribed a different antibiotic which did the trick this time. Fast forward to the end of June and I come down with tonsillitis again. I had been fine all throughout lockdown but once you start mingling and being around people again you’re more susceptible to catching something. It was the same for lots of people at work, the week before I was off about eight staff were sick some days. At this doctor’s appointment I was referred to the hospital to get my tonsils out. I was all for it as it’s going to stop recurrent sore throats every few months.
From the time I got referred to getting the actual procedure it was 3 months which is quite quick in my opinion. I had my initial appointment with the surgeon in July, a phone call with the pre-op team in August and then it was a matter of waiting for a surgery date. Originally I could have had the procedure done at the beginning of September but my mum was in hospital when I received the call and I didn’t need that pressure. A couple of weeks later I got a letter in the mail with a new proposed date of October 6th – I accepted.
On the day of the procedure I was up early and at the hospital before 7:30am. I changed into a gown and robe and was told my surgery would likely be late morning, any children having the same procedure that day get done first. An anesthetist came over for a chat and then it was a matter of waiting to hear my name called. I went into the operating theatre shortly after 11am and was out less than an hour later – the operation itself is very quick. When I woke up I remember initially feeling pain in my throat and was very sleepy from the anesthetic. Most people are allowed to go home the same day a couple of hours after the procedure but my oxygen saturation levels dropped a little bit so they wanted to keep me in to monitor those.
I spent the next few hours dozing until I was more alert. My mum was by my side the whole time but left to come home at around 4pm. After she left I went back to sleep and shortly before 6pm it was dinner time. I was nervous not only to eat in case it was painful but anxious to see what food was on my plate. Dinner was pork and apple meatloaf with mashed potato and vegetables with lemon curd tartlet for dessert. For hospital food the meal wasn’t too shabby and it didn’t cause me pain to eat. I was offered an iceblock after the procedure but I was too sleepy so didn’t feel like it at the time. I wasn’t offered an iceblock or icecream after that.
After dinner I was wide awake so I killed some time on my phone (thank you hospital wifi) and did some crossword puzzles in a magazine I had with me. I went to sleep around 10pm but didn’t have a restful sleep at all, I woke up several times during the night and even started reading an ebook for an hour to pass time. I went back to sleep around 4am and woke up properly between 6 and 7. Breakfast came around at 8am and I ate most of a piece of toast and some fruit salad, I wasn’t brave enough to face the cornflakes. A doctor (coincidentally one of the doctors my mum had during her hospital visits) and a house surgeon came to discharge me just after 9am and gave me a script for three different types of painkillers. After that I was allowed to go home.
Stay tuned for part two which will be up on Friday and will document each day of recovery for two weeks after surgery and how I was feeling.
Back in July the lovely Jennie nominated me to do the ‘Dear 15 Year Old Me’ tag. The idea is you think of an answer for each of the five prompts that your 15 year old self would appreciate and give advice you wish you had heard when you were younger. The tag was originally started by Everyday Magic With JubileeandMom Life With Chiari.
Post the tag and image above
Mention the creators of the tag and link back to their blog
Thank whoever nominated you and link back to their blog
Nominate 5 other bloggers that you love and notify them by commenting on their latest post
1. Don’t be hard on yourself because…
You’re your own biggest critic. We are toughest on ourselves when we often don’t need that pressure. If something is not going to matter in five minutes or a month from now don’t spend time worrying and stressing about it. Those who are closest to you appreciate you for who you are.
2. The relationship you’re in…
You won’t be in relationship for a few years yet but don’t settle and worry too much, things will happen when they happen. Waiting to get into a relationship rather than forcing anything or being in a relationship for the sake of it makes you realise what you actually want and teaches you how look after yourself and treat other people. When it finally happens you will feel more grateful and it will be special.
3. You will get through this because…
You are stronger than you know! Music will always be there after a hard day too.
4. Don’t get caught up in thinking…
School life is how things will be once you have finished and left school. If you don’t feel like you fit in or you don’t enjoy each part of your day that is okay. Being independent, doing things for yourself, staying motivated and working hard will take you far.
5. These experiences will help you learn…
You are going through one of the most unpredictable times of life. Feelings change constantly, emotions are high and you’re still discovering and learning about yourself. Have hope that everything will work out how it’s supposed to. Take time, enjoy the small things, be kind to yourself and keep going.
September has been an interesting month. A second wave of Corona Virus hit New Zealand’s shores in August and there has been a mixture of cases at the border and in the community. I feel as a country we will fluctuate between levels for some time. Also this month I received a letter with a date for my tonsillectomy – October 6th. I’m a little nervous anticipating what the pain will be like but in the long run I’ll be better off. I’ve got plenty of ice cream at the ready and I plan to rest and take it easy for a week or two. There’s been another hiccup with my mum, her magnesium levels have dropped right down again. The magnesium she was given in hospital isn’t available from a pharmacy and trying to find an alternative isn’t straightforward.Perhaps October will be a simpler month?
Onto this month’s favourites:
1. Cotton On Body Cropped Fluro Hoodie – I purchased this hoodie last year and it is so comfy and cosy. I love the bright green colour and striped balloon sleeves, it’s certainly unlike anything else I own. The crop is not too short for my body and hits at the right place. It’s a good piece for the transitional months for layering too. I’ve included a picture of the hoodie below to give you a better idea what it looks like on.
2. Rimmel Magnif’Eyes Eye Primer – I only used this primer for the first time about a week and a half ago in my Full Face of First Impressions and boy am I impressed! I have not gone back to the Milani primer since trying this as it’s much kinder to my eyes. I don’t know if its seasonal but over the past few weeks the Milani primer has dried out my eyelids and made them sensitive. The Rimmel primer does set but not to the point where eyeshadow doesn’t apply on top and it feels like pigment is dragging across the eyelids. I like that this has a doe foot applicator, it’s easier to control how much to apply.
3. MAC Double Gleam Extra Dimension Skinfinish – Double Gleam is my highlighter focus for September and she is a beauty! I had heard so many rave reviews about this shade and it really is worth all the hype. If you have fair to light skin you will especially love this, it is the perfect lit from within glow and the type of shade that goes with everything. MAC describe Double Gleam as a beige that breaks silver and the unique cream to powder formula is lovely, it’s very soft and easy to build and looks flawless on the skin. It can be used wet or dry, I have only used it dry as I like the intensity that gives but I can imagine it would be even more glowy if applied wet.
4. GHD Gold Styler – At the beginning of the month I treated myself to a new straightener. In all honesty the straightener I had was fine and did the job but I would have to go over certain areas of my hair a few times as it is quite thick. Once my hair is straight it will stay that way until it is washed again. The reason I looked at a GHD is to cut down on the amount of time it would take to straighten my hair. I also really like that the GHDs remain at a constant temperature and you can’t accidentally hit a button on the side that bumps the temperature up. I have used the straightener once so far and it only took 10 minutes to do all of my hair, my other straightener would take about half an hour. The quality and technology is really top notch, the straightener plays a sound when you turn it on and another sound when it’s heated up (roughly 25 seconds later). Hair is left looking shiny, sleek and healthy.
Close up of the sparkly detail on the plates of the straightener.
Steps released a new single and announced they are releasing a new album in November. Within minutes of getting the email announcing the album you can bet I had a signed copy pre-ordered!
September has been a good month for new music in general with releases from Delta Goodrem and Kylie Minogue as well.
September’s Spotify Playlist:
How was your month? Share one of your highlights in the comments!
I will start by saying the past two months have been full of disruptions and upheaval which is why I haven’t been posting. I wrote THIS POST at the start of August that mostly explains everything. Since then my mum was admitted to hospital for a third time (and has since been discharged and is back home). It was finally discovered she had a bad bacterial infection that had possibly been laying dormant for a while which is why the first two rounds of antibiotics didn’t kill it and why her electrolyte levels weren’t holding and she’d feel weak and fuzzy in the head. My life for the past two months has pretty much been eat, hospital, try to sleep and go to work when I can – I haven’t had time for much else. I really hope this is the end and she can continue to get her strength back at home!
Onto this month’s favourites:
1. Ellie Goulding – Brightest Blue – I have been a fan of Ellie since she released her first album 10 years ago! Her voice is incredibly beautiful and angelic, I understand it’s not for everyone but it’s certainly distinctive. I never tire of listening to Ellie and when she announced her album release I was very excited – nearly everything she does is perfect in my eyes. This album really sees Ellie return to her roots, the melodies are quite simple which gives Ellie’s voice even more chance to shine. Her voice also has powerful, raspy moments and her lyrical phrasing is always something I look forward to hearing. Ellie’s music is uniquely her and that’s why I enjoy it so much, she’s uber cool and does things unexpected and different. Standout Tracks: How Deep Is Too Deep, Love I’m Given, Tides, Flux and Brightest Blue.
2. MAC Studio Fix Fluid Foundation in NW10 – I originally tried a sample of this foundation in NW13 and liked the formula and how product looked on my skin so much I purchased the full size in a shade lighter. Studio Fix Fluid has a natural matte finish and an oil controlling formula. I have dry skin but I don’t find this foundation too matte or drying, it gives a soft, velvety look to my skin. This is my current everyday foundation I use for work and it’s very easy to wear. It has SPF 15, is comfortable and long wearing and helps minimise the appearance of pores and imperfections making skin look smoother and more flawless.
3. Natio Rosewater Hydration Moisture Boost Day Cream-Gel – Natio is a brand I have used for a number of years. Their products are reasonably priced, good quality and contain natural ingredients. I was interested in trying a new daytime moisturiser and this cream-gel hybrid appealed to me. The texture is lightweight, product soaks into skin quickly and keeps it feeling moisturised throughout the day. This is what I thought Clinique’s Moisture Surge would be like but I was a little disappointed when I tried that. The scent of rose is noticeable but it isn’t overpowering and doesn’t irritate my skin or my nose. The pink tube is sturdy and travel friendly and looks cute on my dresser too.
4. BECCA Shimmering Skin Perfector in Moonstone – I got a mini Moonstone as part of a three piece BECCA set from Sephora at the end of last year. As I have been focusing on a different eyeshadow palette and highlighter pairing per month in 2020, it was finally Moonstone’s turn in the spotlight in August. Moonstone is described as a pale, incandescent gold best suited for fair-light skin tones. The formula of BECCA’s highlighters is lovely; soft and buildable and they don’t look chunky on the skin. Moonstone is a great everyday highlighter that looks natural but can be built up if you want more glow.
I was keen to purchase another luxury foundation and settled on Lancôme’s Teint Miracle in 005 Beige Ivoire after one of my closest blogging/Instagram friends always mentions how much she loves it. (I’m yet to use the foundation but very excited to try it).
Purchased a shampoo and conditioner set from Function of Beauty. I’ve seen lots of good reviews and being able to customise my own hair products was fun. Let me know if you’d like a review once the products arrive and I’ve had a chance to use them.
July + August’s Spotify Playlists (since there was no July Favourites):
How was your month? Share one of your highlights in the comments!
Hello, how are you? I hope you’re doing well! Sitting down to write this feels a little strange, it’s been over a month since I last posted and I think that’s the longest time I have gone without blogging without planning to. Let me start by saying July was an EXPERIENCE. It was definitely the hardest month of 2020 so far for me. I wanted to document some of what has happened to help me process it better.
The first few days of July started off well considering I had my second bout of tonsillitis for the year and was waiting for the result of my Covid swab. (It was negative by the way, don’t worry. I was advised to get swabbed as a result of my sore throat but the doctor and I were confident it would be negative). I was also talking to a guy and had been for the previous four months, pre-Covid and pre-lockdown. I’m very much a one person at a time girl and I was proud of myself for managing to keep this exchange going for that amount of time. I did have the occasional wobble and think am I boring this guy but then I told myself he wouldn’t message almost everyday for four months if he didn’t enjoy the conversation. We’d mentioned meeting in person more than once and obviously the first two months we chatted people couldn’t go out and socialise so I figured once the levels dropped it would happen. I get a little nervous when it comes to making plans because so many times they haven’t ended up happening or guys flake out and disappear off the face of the earth.
I had a Friday off work coming up and found out this guy finished work early on a Friday so I suggested we meet the following week to grab some food to which he agreed. The new week arrives and I don’t hear anything for a couple of days but I’m not someone who is always on my phone and understand life gets busy so I didn’t worry. On Thursday of that week my mum starts getting chills and feeling really cold and a few hours later her breathing starts going down. My mum is a severe asthmatic and any little niggle sets it off. The next day her breathing was continuing to decline and I mentioned seeing the doctor but I know how much they scare her. If I can keep her calm we can manage but the following day (Saturday) she called an ambulance and was admitted to hospital. This began two and a half weeks of struggles for both of us, I knew she was in the best place to get help but she wasn’t getting the help she needed. There were a number of mistakes made and things that didn’t need to happen that did.
The first week we saw progress and I managed to go to work and visit in the afternoons but things changed when a doctor prescribed her morphine. I still don’t understand why it was prescribed because she wasn’t complaining about pain. The drug didn’t fully affect her for a few days and then I started to notice strange behaviour. Mum seemed paranoid/scared, angry, not interested in talking to me, confused and was hallucinating and seeing things in her room that weren’t there. It was frightening to watch and she wasn’t aware she was acting that way which was more concerning. This was week two and I was barely at work, I wasn’t coming home in the evenings like the previous week because I was scared to leave her and she was scared when I wasn’t there. I basically lived at the hospital. I requested the doctors stop giving morphine and they did but the comedown was hard. The worst day was Thursday, July 23rd. I phoned my brother and urged him to come down as up until that point I was doing everything on my own and I hadn’t slept and eaten properly for days. I also phoned my boss in a state and she was so kind and understanding and later that day a work colleague came up to see if I was alright and took me to get something to eat.
My brother arrived on Friday and on Friday mum had improved from the day before. The doctors came around to say she would be discharged and we could go home. Mum was so happy to come home after being in hospital for two weeks but around 12 hours after being discharged she was re-admitted with dehydration. Mum had been on a machine that was helping her to breathe but because it pumps warm air into your body she was sweating a lot and losing her fluids. Mum was put on a drip which is something I thought they would have done before the re-admission. A couple of days later she was discharged again and has been home since. We did have a third setback and she ended up needing a second course of antibiotics from her GP but fingers crossed we’re on the home stretch now.
This takes me back to the guy I was talking to. I haven’t heard from him since before mum went into hospital which is about a month ago now. I did think about messaging him occasionally but most days didn’t have time, things would change that often and were unpredictable. I was also curious if he’d check in with me and he didn’t so I had a feeling I was going to be ghosted. A couple of days before the end of July I messaged him and explained what had happened and didn’t get a response. I’m not completely cruel and don’t like to think bad of people and maybe there’s something else going on there that I didn’t know about or he has been hurt before but it still sucks if someone doesn’t have the balls to be honest and can’t give you an explanation. It might be uncomfortable at the time but in the long run it’s less painful. I am close to giving up on trying to find a relationship to be honest, it’s hard to give so much of yourself and get nothing back and to feel like you’ve given time to someone who is stringing you along is disheartening.
July was a real mix of emotions and despite the crappy hand I was dealt there were also good moments. Ellie Goulding released a new album, Delta Goodrem announced shows in New Zealand for next April and I learnt yet more life lessons about people and who to trust. As twisted as it sounds the bad can sometimes lead to the good. Let’s hope the rest of the year is calmer and better things are around the corner.
Let me know what you’ve been up to in the last month?
Hello, it’s me! (Chanelle, Adele – they sound similar right?!)
I haven’t posted for a few weeks and to be honest I was enjoying downtime when I could get it. The past couple of weeks I have been quite busy with work and preparing for my return to the workplace. I did want to write this post to check in and share what I’ve been up to throughout lockdown. New Zealand is no longer in strict lockdown and on Thursday, May 14th the majority of businesses and sectors started back at work in the workplace (including me).
I’m not going to lie, I relished lockdown life! I am quite a homebody so didn’t find the staying at home difficult. I didn’t find my productivity suffered and I found I probably had more of a work-life balance. I was less stressed, I was eating less often but better and I got to spend time with my loved ones (mum and Halo). I also kept myself distracted with the following:
It’s natural that as a librarian I enjoy reading and I got through a good chunk of books! I would sit at the table and read as I was waiting for email replies, on my lunch breaks etc. Over the past seven weeks I managed to get through eight books and I’m currently 48% of the way through my Goodreads goal for the year.
Twas the Nighshift Before Christmas – Adam Kay
The Longest Holiday – Paige Toon
The Hunting Party – Lucy Foley
If I Never Met You – Mhairi McFarlane
I Dare You – Sam Carrington
The Guest List – Lucy Foley
She Lies In Wait – Gytha Lodge
Our Stop – Laura Williams
I was able to work from home and it was good to have a routine of sorts and a bit of distraction and something to focus on. I was able to do all the admin parts of my role including payroll, raising and receipting purchase orders, answering customer emails and phone calls and attending Zoom meetings as required. There’s lots of other little elements to my role as well and it keeps me busy.
I have possibly been more spendy than I should have during lockdown and I will share everything I purchased when it arrives in a separate post. Prepare for quite a few beauty bits!
Along with eating less and eating better I was also able to start exercising regularly again. I’m probably not as ‘fit’ as I was a couple of years ago and my stomach and legs are certainly not as toned but I loved getting back on the exercycle and I will try to keep it up. Exercise helps stamp out any bad feelings and makes me feel more positive.
People most likely wouldn’t think of singing as exercise but it can help greatly if you’re asthmatic as it teaches you to breathe in different ways and gives you techniques that help with inhaling and exhaling. Singing has so many good benefits; it relieves anxiety, helps oxygen move and circulate around the body and teaches muscle memory when it comes to hitting the notes. I found during lockdown my voice was sounding better than it has for a while which I think is due to being less stressed which allowed the vocal chords to open up and created less constriction. I also like to sing whilst using the exercycle, proper little multitasker!
Playing with makeup
I didn’t wear makeup as often as I usually would but I did enjoy applying it and making myself look nice for Zoom meetings. I took some great selfies during lockdown too. (Shameless I know!) It was nice to take a bit of extra time to play with colours and products I felt like using on the day and apply my makeup in daylight again (usually I apply my makeup at 6am before sunrise).
I hope you enjoyed catching up with what I’ve been doing. I was actively reading blog posts and leaving comments the whole time as well as being around on social media.
Leave a comment and let me know if you’re still in lockdown, how you’re going and what you’re most looking forward to when it’s over!
Happy New Year lovely readers! I hope you all had a relaxing holiday season and have enjoyed the first days of January so far.
I had a quiet Christmas which I don’t mind as the day feels peaceful and relaxing. I don’t have a big immediate family so there’s nowhere to travel and there aren’t people to visit but my brother came to stay with mum and I for a week. On Christmas Day we all had a nice meal and I spent the afternoon watching a documentary about Michael Hutchence – I find music documentaries fascinating and this one was poignant and touching. The next day I went shopping and picked up everything on my list. Shops weren’t as busy as I expected either which was a nice surprise. As I have been working through the Christmas/New Year period I’m hoping to take some leave at the end of January around my birthday and have a break then.
I’m coming in to 2020 excited about blogging. I’ve got a few post ideas up my sleeve and I’m going to adopt a similar posting style to last year, posting and writing when I’m in the mood and inspiration strikes. Looking back over the most popular posts from 2019 the clear winners are haul posts and monthly favourites. There won’t be any major changes to the blog overall and I’m enjoying a more relaxed approach.
I’m not sure what 2020 will bring but there’s something refreshing about that and being able to let things happen as they come and be in the moment. I’m hoping this will be the year I get back into a better exercise routine, it’s something I’ve been trying to do for months but things keep cropping up. I’m excited that I’ll be seeing my favourite band, Steps, live in May as I never dreamed that would happen and it still feels surreal at the moment. Slowly I’m becoming more assertive and learning to stand up for myself and look after my needs without feeling guilty and worrying I’m putting other people out. Sure we all want to be liked and respected but constantly pleasing others is detrimental to yourself. Don’t let yourself be taken advantage of and don’t be afraid to speak up and let your thoughts be heard. That doesn’t mean being defensive and being nasty towards others, it’s about knowing your worth. I’ve realised that when it comes to dating and I’m not going to be with just anyone. There’s nothing wrong with having a standard and I’d rather wait for something meaningful than be with someone for the sake of having someone. I’ve always been independent and I need a man that can handle that and doesn’t question why I do or like certain things – you should be accepted for who you are. Work hard, don’t settle and persistence and determination will pay off.
I wish everyone a fabulous year and I look forward to interacting with you in the comments and online!
Let me know what you’re excited for in 2020 and if you have any goals you’d like to achieve.