Where I’ve Been…

Hello, hello! Long time no blog! In 2021 I haven’t blogged much at all, it’s not through not wanting to but I feel like I haven’t had much to say and I’ve been enjoying keeping under the radar a little bit and using weekends as chill out time to read and catch up on other things. I still read other blogs almost every day and do want to put out posts when inspiration strikes. This is kind of the reason for this post, bridging the gap talking about what I’ve been feeling and what’s been happening and a push to get me excited about blogging again.

I’ll start by rewinding back to April/May of this year when I felt things start to change. In April my mum was in hospital again, thankfully it wasn’t as serious as her admissions in 2020 but the situation doesn’t get easier. She came out a week later and over the past six months her and I have noticed improvements. She’s able to do more and walk further without getting breathless as fast and she came off prednisone after being on them for a year. At the end of April I had time off work and was able to recharge. Throughout this and a few months prior I’d been feeling really tired and sometimes didn’t know how I was getting through the day. My job can be intense so on top of feeling tired I was also incredibly drained. A few people suggested I might have glandular fever based on my symptoms and how I’d been feeling. In May I went to the doctor and mentioned the tiredness and she said it sounded like I was burnt out and suggested more time off work (which I didn’t take as I would have felt guilty) and a blood test. The results came back and my white cell count was up slightly so it looked like an infection of some sort. A few weeks later I had another blood test and the cell count had gone up. I was prescribed antibiotics and had another blood test after finishing them but the cell count was still the same so I was given more antibiotics. The doctor couldn’t figure it out as she said ‘I’m pretty healthy.’ In the end I had three courses of antiobtiotics and countless blood tests and still don’t know what was wrong. I asked to be tested for glandular fever but it didn’t happen. I haven’t seen a doctor or had a blood test since July so I don’t know what my white cells are like currently. I still feel tired some days but nowhere near as bad as I was.

While all of that was going on I made sure to be gentle and kind to myself and started taking more time at weekends to relax and started not to feel guilty if I stayed in my pyjamas one day or didn’t get the house all cleaned. I’ve started pacing myself and going with the flow a bit more and listening to what my body wants. I mentioned I feel like I’ve been under the radar a little bit and I’ve enjoyed it. I’ve still been quite active on Instagram and I’ve been trying to adapt to the new features of the platform such as reels but honestly sometimes I do lose motivation with it. Reels and video content is supposedly pushed to more people but I personally find they don’t get as many likes for me. I don’t know whether my followers aren’t seeing the content, they don’t like it or a mixture of both. I will keep perservering as they have been fun to make and I like watching reels from the people I follow. I am aware the feed content has been lacking since New Zealand went back into lockdown in August and I’m working on it.

The day the second lockdown was announced I was on annual leave and hours before had received my first Pfizer jab. Absolutely the right thing to do was lockdown the country as they didn’t know if it was a Delta case or not, that decision was ridiculed but it meant lockdown only lasted for a few weeks. If you look at where New Zealand is now, the day I’m writing this post we have had the highest daily total of cases since the pandemic started and most of the country is in Level 2 which means shops, cafes, restaurants and businesses can open with social distancing and safety measures in place and mask wearing is compulsory. Okay, more of the country is vaccinated now but the case numbers aren’t plateauing or going down.

Recently on an Instagram story I was sharing thoughts and feelings I’d been having and one of those was around the way I look. I’m not feeling too confident at the moment – perhaps that’s down to not wearing makeup for three months – but mask wearing makes me feel sweaty and overheat and I don’t like the way some things are looking on me. I don’t feel like I’ve eaten more  or gained weight but I think it’s that mindset of Covid is still here there’s no point going out anywhere or putting a nice outfit on. I’m still staying home and keeping activities to a minimum. I’ve also not been in the mood for dating or trying to meet anybody, I’m happy by myself at the moment and socialising with new people during times like these makes me nervous.

Onto the last and most exciting piece of news in this post, I’ve ordered a new phone. I’ve been an Apple user for years and when I saw they had released a pink iPhone it was destined to be mine. I ordered it last week and it should arrive in a few weeks. I was tossing up between the 13 or the 13 mini but I went with the 13 in the end as it’s a similar size to my current phone but doesn’t weigh as much. It’s going to be strange not to have the home button but I’ll soon get over it. I treated myself to this phone as a) the model I currently have is 6 years old (I bought it in 2019) and it won’t last forever b) how often do you see a pink phone and c) the base amount of storage is 128GB, four times as much as my current phone. That will be useful for making more video content.

Thank you for taking time out of your day to catch up with me.
Please say hello in the comments and let me know how you’ve been lately!


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Welcome 2021!

By now on the blog it’s tradition that the first post of the year will be wishing everyone a Happy New Year and sharing some words of wisdom.

Nobody knows what 2021 will hold but we want it to be ‘better’. I don’t have any expectations so that way I can’t be disappointed. 2020 was challenging for a lot of people (myself included) but there were also good moments. I try not to focus on the bad but realistically it’s not always easy. I applaud myself for getting back up each time something goes wrong and the idealist in me never loses hope that one day everything will be okay and it will all make sense. I don’t want this year to start off on a negative note so, goodbye 2020, I’m not sad to see you go and let’s move on!

The past 12 months were relatively quiet on the blog and initially I feel 2021 will follow a similar pattern. I have post ideas in the pipeline and will write when I get time and feel inspired but gone are the days when I would churn out new posts each week. I turn 26 at the end of the month and I will have been blogging seven (!!!) years in June – it’s understandable that over that length of time circumstances change. Blogging doesn’t hold the place in my heart that it used to but I still enjoy it and don’t want to stop.

For 2021 I need to be more selfish with my time and do what helps me to be happy and stay relaxed and as less stressed as possible. I’m getting better at being assertive and saying no and not feeling guilty for it. Often I feel like I’m letting people down but at the end of the day that person is me 90% of the time. This is me saying I’m done and I don’t want that any more.

Keeping a bullet journal is one thing that fell by the wayside in 2020 and when I’m able to clear my head and have a place to organise my thoughts it helps a lot. I didn’t have many pages left in my current bullet journal so I purchased a new one to begin 2021 and I can’t wait to spend time setting it up. Exercise is another thing that helps me feel good within myself. I got back into a routine during April/May last year and over the past 10 days I’ve started using the exercycle again. I’m going to try hard to keep it up!

2021 is the year I wish to welcome proper happiness. I want to let go of some of the fear I carry with me daily and embrace new things and experiences with people… who knows what the next 365 days will bring!

What are you excited for this year? Do you have any goals for 2021?


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Hey, It’s Okay… To Be Moody

Hello and welcome to the first Hey, It’s Okay… of 2018! These posts always prove to be popular and even though I don’t write them as often as I once did I still think of ideas for them and topics I feel strongly about.

I wanted to write this post now because I feel like it’s the right time. Recently I have started feeling a little disconnected and like I could just disappear into the background and no one would notice. I don’t mean that to sound attention seeking and I don’t expect to be the centre of attention but some days I go through each day never really having had a conversation or never getting out and doing something. This links back to my mood, it’s easy to get lonely when you don’t socialise or on days you feel tired. The strange thing is I hate being grumpy and feeling sorry for myself so I don’t tend to tell people how I’m really feeling. I pretend everything is fine when some days it’s not. The even stranger part is I love being goofy and laughing and I will always try to do that, even when I’m sad which I guess is a good sign.

We all experience different moods and emotions and many things can trigger those and set them off. I find my mood can switch easily, one minute I will be happy and then the next I am frustrated if my computer is running slow or the cat is scratching at the couch. I can be calm and logical but I can also be anxious and panicked. Overthinking can make me quite anal and I like order and routine and to do things a certain way because that’s how I know they work.

Another reason I wanted to share this post now is to voice some blogging concerns and how they are affecting my mood. I feel like I’m going through a phase where I want change which is kind of strange considering the statement I made in the previous paragraph about liking order and routine. Is blogging going through a quiet phase or is it on the decline? Over the four years I have written this blog many people have been and gone and I have wondered whether my time is up. I am not committing to stopping at this stage. Maybe a break is all I need or writing posts less often and as they come. I would have so much spare time if I didn’t blog and I’m not sure I’d know to fill it which is why I’m leaning towards the break rather than stopping completely.

I don’t just feel like change for the blog, I want change in other aspects of life too. I want a haircut and I am fairly certain I have settled on what I want. My hair is very thick so thinning out is a must but I wouldn’t go drastically shorter, I like my long hair. I also feel like I want to get out and explore. That’s very vague and even I don’t know what I mean or want to do but I’m at the point where new experiences intrigue me; trying things I haven’t before, going new places and adding more excitement into my day. I’m simple but I’m complex. I like to plan but I want to be more spontaneous, I’m quiet but my mind is loud – it’s a paradox. I’m not always sure what I want and that’s where confusion creeps in, not knowing leaves you anxious and susceptible to mood swings. If things go right you’re happy but if they don’t you’re upset.

We can also take on the emotions of those around us and if the people that mean the most are happy or unhappy we don’t always realise it affects us. We can’t be 100% happy all the time, life and people aren’t perfect. No one knows what the correct amount of happy is, it may well be different for all of us and as for what makes us happy that is up to each individual. Some people are lucky and know what they want and what makes them feel good inside. Others can be blinded by temporary fog and only have a few things figured out. They function and get through each day and try to make the best of what they’ve got.

Can you realate to these feelings? Do you experience moodiness?

I want everyone to share one thing that makes them happy in the comments!


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Hey, It’s Okay… To Be Anxious

I published my last Hey, It’s Okay… in July this year and if you’ve been a reader of my blog for a while you will remember it was a monthly series back in 2016. These posts are always raw and honest and this could perhaps be the most personal yet. I wanted to write it before the end of the year so you can understand where my head has been at and try to leave as much of these feelings in 2017 as I can.

If you asked me a couple of years ago what anxiety was I would have put it in the same category as other mental illnesses and understood it was very serious but I didn’t actually know what it was or how it affected people; not in a naive way but I didn’t know enough to form an explanation.

Honestly, I had a difficult time this year and I’m still getting over it. My mum was seriously ill and I was not only worried about her but things at my old job came to a head. I started to feel trapped and insular and I was just getting up each day because I had to. I was tired all the time, some days I would feel sick and I was just low. I vividly remember Mothers Day in May. I was working half a day from 9am-1pm and the whole morning I felt sick to my stomach, I was shaking and I had a strange feeling like I couldn’t breathe. The feeling of not being able to breathe became more regular. I suffer from asthma but it was a much tighter feeling and higher up my chest. I wondered if the breathlessness was a side effect of my contraceptive pill – I now know it wasn’t.

I’d been to my doctor about the tiredness and had blood tests done and my B12 levels were a bit low so I purchased some supplements which at the time I think did help. The stress and breathlessness weren’t going away and I returned to the doctor (in tears each time) and he said it sounds like I’d been having panic attacks. I knew that was a symptom of anxiety but I brushed it off because in my head I didn’t realise how bad things had got. I will state I have not been diagnosed with anxiety and I don’t take any medication for it but I did get help and I am thankful. I saw a counselor and the first session was so hard because it meant letting the thoughts in my head out and having to tell someone and have them listen. I had four sessions in total.

Now when I look back at myself during that time it feels like I was a completely different person. I was scared and I felt like I was going crazy but the panic and the angst were very real. It also made me realise that I am naturally an anxious person but during that period the anxiousness was out of control and it wasn’t ‘normal’. Everyone has a different idea of what normal is and what affects one person might not affect another but that’s why we should be so mindful, who are we to judge someone else’s pain.

At the time no one really knew what I was going through apart from my mum. My boyfriend kind of knew but I tried to be strong and I didn’t want my anxiety to get in the way of our time together. I didn’t purposely not tell people but I went through it by myself as there wasn’t really anyone to lean on for support. I know I am strong and going through this made me tougher. There is nothing more important than happiness and being happy. I was brave enough to step away from a toxic situation.

I am still getting over everything and still have days where I feel anxious or don’t have a lot of energy and feel tired. I now accept that I do get symptoms of anxiety but from now on I will be better equipped on how they present themselves and how to deal with them. I don’t want to ever go back to that place.

Do you or anyone you know get anxious? I hope this post can help someone who might be going through a tough time. Thank you for reading.


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Hey, It’s Okay… To Be Different

Hello! It’s been a while since my last Hey, It’s Okay… post. They are some of my favourite posts to share and some of the most read and most popular on the blog. I still have so many things I want to talk about in these posts but instead of committing to one every month, I tend to write them when I feel strongly about certain topics.

Most of my life I have felt different. It’s a hard feeling to describe but one of the easiest ways I can think of is a square peg in a round hole. It’s not so much a feeling of isolation but more to do with the way I think and how I perceive things. Right now I am super proud of the person I am! I don’t let being an individual define me as much as it once did.

I want to use this post to explain some of the ways I have felt different but at the same time I realise other people may deem these differences as ‘normal’.


At school I was the well behaved student, who always handed work in on time and always did her homework. I didn’t perceive myself as better than the other students, I’ve always had a strong work ethic and was worried what would happen if I didn’t get it done on time. I thought I would get a detention or get in trouble. I was never a big fan of the social element of school either, I didn’t party or drink alcohol. I never made drunken decisions I would later regret and did well academically. 

Blog Monetisation

I have spoken about this briefly before and in fact dedicated a whole post to it *HERE*. I never started blogging with the intention to make money from it. I don’t get paid to review products and I have never been sent anything to review. I don’t mind the fact I don’t do this because my readers know this blog is purely me and I talk about products I have purchased with my own money or won through giveaways. Having so many new products to review and write about would overwhelm me. I very much like comfort zones.

Dating & Relationships

Before I met my boyfriend I had no previous relationship experience and sometimes I felt like I was strange and that there was something wrong with me. I never felt like I had to have a boyfriend and it would happen when I was ready but now I don’t see what I was worried about. Even though I had never been in a relationship before I don’t feel awkward in any situations and feel like I have to act a certain way. I’m just me and I’m so thankful the person I met I can be myself around. I also feel like our relationship is ours. We’re not a showy couple, we don’t even have a picture together (yet) but we don’t mind. We don’t have rules, we just enjoy being with each other.


Work is kind of like school for me. I follow the rules, do what my boss tells me to do and I always turn up on time. I’ve never taken a sick day in my current job and have only not turned up to work once because my mum was ill. I go to work to do my work, I’m focused on the task at hand and take pride in my abilities. I would be scared to take the day off work for no reason, I couldn’t bring myself to do it because I’m so honest. I’m not saying other people don’t have this approach to work but I always see and hear people talking about the younger generation’s work ethic and whilst there are some people who do slack off and don’t want to learn, I’m the opposite.

My Mind

There is one link tying this whole post together; my mind and the way I think. The way I think is very considerate and 95% of the time tends to favour other people and their feelings rather than my own. I think about things in an abstract way and present options that aren’t what would be considered the norm. I’m calculated in how I act and what I say and like to think I have a high emotional intelligence (EQ). I am smart and focused and I know what I want. I have morals and standards but I don’t try to impose those on anyone else. I understand that everyone is an individual and they make their own choices and decisions. At times I feel like my mind is wise beyond my years but I am sensible and organised and that has always taken me far. Your mindset is important, it determines how you think and how you act.

I am proud of the person I am and I don’t see these things as differences anymore. It’s all about perception and how you choose to deal with them that matters. It’s okay if you didn’t like school but turned up everyday because you wanted to do well in exams, it’s okay if you’ve only had one relationship at age 22 and most of all it’s okay if you think outside of the box and not like everyone else. Being different is what makes you special!


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Hey, It’s Okay… Not To Share

Hey It's Okay

Before I get started with this post I’m letting you know I will continue to write Hey, It’s Okay… posts. I’m not aiming to get one up every month but if there’s a topic I want to discuss or something influences me, I will write about it. I hope you enjoy this as much as the others!

It may surprise you that although I have a blog I am a very private person. Sometimes I don’t like talking about myself and there are things that I feel don’t need to be shared. On the flipside, when I do open up and share I am very honest and I don’t apologise for that. I think everything through and nothing comes out of my mouth (or appears on a screen) that hasn’t been carefully considered.

Recently I had a conversation with someone who reminded me that you don’t have to share everything that goes on in your life. For example, if you put something on social media the majority of the world can see it and even if you think you’ve removed it it may be able to be found and traced back to you. That is a slightly scary thought but I know I try to be kind and considerate at all times and I’m not unhappy with what I share and post on social media. I try to remain happy and uplifting on the platforms I use and I have never bullied someone or bad mouthed them. I would never use social media to bring someone down.

I personally don’t find Facebook a useful sharing tool and I don’t share a lot of my life on it. People get competitive and treat Facebook like a popularity contest. I mainly use it to catch up with friends and most of the time I prefer texting over Facebook messaging.

Going back to me being a private person, my boyfriend and I are ‘In a Relationship’ and Facebook official but before announcing it we didn’t really tell anybody. The only person I told was my mum and my boyfriend told his parents and a couple of friends. I didn’t feel the need to tell anybody else because I was enjoying spending time with him and wasn’t concerned about posting updates about what we were doing to my news feed. Even though I was really excited and it was a big deal for me, I didn’t want to announce anything right away. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to tell my friends or thought they shouldn’t know but I was taking time to figure things out and enjoying being in the moment.

I don’t speak about my boyfriend much on the blog purely because I don’t know if he’d be comfortable with that. Most of the time I talk about makeup which isn’t relevant to him anyway. I’ve had numerous comments saying how cute we are and I’ve been asked to share how me met. I’m not nervous or ashamed but again I don’t know if he’d want me to do that so I kind of leave it there. Maybe one day I will, who knows!

It’s not only personal details I get a bit apprehensive to share, it’s hard times too. In my Gratitude Journal: January post I mentioned that January had been a strange month and there were a few personal struggles going on. I didn’t talk about these apart from with those involved and it made me realise what is truly important. I love being able to connect and talk about one of my biggest passions through this blog but I don’t have to share every ounce of my life here either. I don’t mean that negatively but there are times when you don’t always feel like talking and you’ve just got to cry, stress out and get through the next week. There have been times over the past few weeks where life has felt hard and I haven’t felt like sharing my struggles with the world. I don’t try to sugarcoat life and make out that everything is great and running smoothly all the time. I am thankful for those who offer words of kindness and support and help when I need it. I remind myself that I am strong and still look for something good in every day.

Do you like to be open and honest or play your cards close to your chest? Perhaps, like me, you’re a bit of both? I’d love to hear from you in the comments!


Hey, It’s Okay… If People Don’t Read Your Blog

Hey It's OkayBefore I get into the post, let me start by saying this isn’t aimed at anyone and is intended as a generalisation.

I’m sure one thought that crosses a lot of people’s minds before they start a blog is, “Will anyone read it?” It’s a valid point because I had that thought myself and it’s ironic how that becomes irrelevant. When you’re starting out, it seems like numbers are important, and while it’s nice to have people reading and commenting, that happens naturally over time. The main reason I have stuck with blogging is because I genuinely enjoy it (and I hope that shows). There are people who start a blog and try anything to get followers and see how many ‘likes’ they can get but you can tell those people apart. After a couple of months they burn out because they don’t have genuine passion for what they’re talking about and they disappear.

The aim of this month’s Hey, It’s Okay… is to tell you that it’s fine if you don’t have instant success and if you do enjoy blogging to stick with it. When I started blogging, I had no idea what I was doing. I didn’t have a posting schedule, I didn’t know what I wanted to talk about and I certainly didn’t know much about themes and behind the scenes, techie stuff. I think one of the reasons I enjoy blogging so much is because there’s lots to learn and opportunity to grow and improve photography skills, writing skills and more.

I’m certainly not saying, be like me or do this and do that because there’s no certain way to blog. I can however, offer my advice and try to help by sharing what works for me. I mentioned that when I started, I barely knew what I was doing and in some ways, that’s a good way to be. You don’t take anything for granted and you set little milestones for yourself and you’re even more excited when you achieve them. It is definitely true that as time goes on, you worry less about the numbers. While they are nice, it’s more about connecting with people and being able to talk and share things with them. I see a lot of bloggers as friends and while we’ve never met and we may not know every single thing about each other, I know they’re there to support me and they’re never far away with a kind word.

Having a small number of people who enjoy reading your blog posts and interact is better than having thousands of followers who you never speak too and are just faces behind a screen. One of the best pieces of advice is to write a blog you’d love to read. There are certain brands and topics everyone seems to talk about but if you don’t have something new to offer or think a different way, things become generic. Instead of rushing out to buy the new Jaclyn Hill highlighter and swatching it, why not try finding other alternatives to suit everyone’s budget or come up with other ways to use the highlighter. I always label myself a beauty novice because I know there are people with greater beauty knowledge and tips and tricks than me but I don’t let that stop me from running a beauty blog. I love to learn and discover new products and I adapt beauty to suit me. You won’t find me posting about “high end” products because I don’t own any and the truth is a lot of products in New Zealand are overpriced, 80 something dollars for a Clinique moisturiser, I don’t think so!

I have always posted what I want and I try to put my own spin on things and not just follow what other bloggers do. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with what other bloggers post but similar to the Jaclyn Hill point, I don’t want my reader to be 20 different posts about one lipstick or one eyeshadow palette. I try to come up with series and posts that are unique and a bit different and while my blog may not be the most successful or most followed, I DON’T CARE. I want to be able to look back on this blog in five years time or when I’m older and be proud that I stayed true to myself and talked about things that mattered to ME. Often I say how much I enjoy writing and sharing these personal posts because the thoughts are entirely mine and it’s just raw honesty.

The whole point of this post is to reiterate that you don’t have to be a superstar blogger to enjoy it and have fun. Write about the things you want to write about. Naturally as time goes on you will develop your own niche and style and people that truly want to read your words will find you. Don’t worry if you only have 10 followers after one week, don’t worry if you don’t have any. Blogging is a ride and it goes wherever you want to take it. If you’re passionate and determined to stick with it, please do! It’ll probably be one of the best decisions of your life!

As always, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed this post! How do you stay motivated when it comes to blogging?