Welcome 2021!

By now on the blog it’s tradition that the first post of the year will be wishing everyone a Happy New Year and sharing some words of wisdom.

Nobody knows what 2021 will hold but we want it to be ‘better’. I don’t have any expectations so that way I can’t be disappointed. 2020 was challenging for a lot of people (myself included) but there were also good moments. I try not to focus on the bad but realistically it’s not always easy. I applaud myself for getting back up each time something goes wrong and the idealist in me never loses hope that one day everything will be okay and it will all make sense. I don’t want this year to start off on a negative note so, goodbye 2020, I’m not sad to see you go and let’s move on!

The past 12 months were relatively quiet on the blog and initially I feel 2021 will follow a similar pattern. I have post ideas in the pipeline and will write when I get time and feel inspired but gone are the days when I would churn out new posts each week. I turn 26 at the end of the month and I will have been blogging seven (!!!) years in June – it’s understandable that over that length of time circumstances change. Blogging doesn’t hold the place in my heart that it used to but I still enjoy it and don’t want to stop.

For 2021 I need to be more selfish with my time and do what helps me to be happy and stay relaxed and as less stressed as possible. I’m getting better at being assertive and saying no and not feeling guilty for it. Often I feel like I’m letting people down but at the end of the day that person is me 90% of the time. This is me saying I’m done and I don’t want that any more.

Keeping a bullet journal is one thing that fell by the wayside in 2020 and when I’m able to clear my head and have a place to organise my thoughts it helps a lot. I didn’t have many pages left in my current bullet journal so I purchased a new one to begin 2021 and I can’t wait to spend time setting it up. Exercise is another thing that helps me feel good within myself. I got back into a routine during April/May last year and over the past 10 days I’ve started using the exercycle again. I’m going to try hard to keep it up!

2021 is the year I wish to welcome proper happiness. I want to let go of some of the fear I carry with me daily and embrace new things and experiences with people… who knows what the next 365 days will bring!


What are you excited for this year? Do you have any goals for 2021?

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Dear 15 Year Old Me

Back in July the lovely Jennie nominated me to do the ‘Dear 15 Year Old Me’ tag. The idea is you think of an answer for each of the five prompts that your 15 year old self would appreciate and give advice you wish you had heard when you were younger. The tag was originally started by Everyday Magic With Jubilee and Mom Life With Chiari.

Rules:

  • Post the tag and image above
  • Mention the creators of the tag and link back to their blog
  • Thank whoever nominated you and link back to their blog
  • Nominate 5 other bloggers that you love and notify them by commenting on their latest post

1. Don’t be hard on yourself because…

You’re your own biggest critic. We are toughest on ourselves when we often don’t need that pressure. If something is not going to matter in five minutes or a month from now don’t spend time worrying and stressing about it. Those who are closest to you appreciate you for who you are.

2. The relationship you’re in…

You won’t be in relationship for a few years yet but don’t settle and worry too much, things will happen when they happen. Waiting to get into a relationship rather than forcing anything or being in a relationship for the sake of it makes you realise what you actually want and teaches you how look after yourself and treat other people. When it finally happens you will feel more grateful and it will be special.

3. You will get through this because…

You are stronger than you know! Music will always be there after a hard day too.

4. Don’t get caught up in thinking…

School life is how things will be once you have finished and left school. If you don’t feel like you fit in or you don’t enjoy each part of your day that is okay. Being independent, doing things for yourself, staying motivated and working hard will take you far.

5. These experiences will help you learn…

You are going through one of the most unpredictable times of life. Feelings change constantly, emotions are high and you’re still discovering and learning about yourself. Have hope that everything will work out how it’s supposed to. Take time, enjoy the small things, be kind to yourself and keep going.

I tag:


What advice would you give your 15 year old self?

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Hello + An Explanation

Hello, how are you? I hope you’re doing well! Sitting down to write this feels a little strange, it’s been over a month since I last posted and I think that’s the longest time I have gone without blogging without planning to. Let me start by saying July was an EXPERIENCE. It was definitely the hardest month of 2020 so far for me. I wanted to document some of what has happened to help me process it better.

The first few days of July started off well considering I had my second bout of tonsillitis for the year and was waiting for the result of my Covid swab. (It was negative by the way, don’t worry. I was advised to get swabbed as a result of my sore throat but the doctor and I were confident it would be negative). I was also talking to a guy and had been for the previous four months, pre-Covid and pre-lockdown. I’m very much a one person at a time girl and I was proud of myself for managing to keep this exchange going for that amount of time. I did have the occasional wobble and think am I boring this guy but then I told myself he wouldn’t message almost everyday for four months if he didn’t enjoy the conversation. We’d mentioned meeting in person more than once and obviously the first two months we chatted people couldn’t go out and socialise so I figured once the levels dropped it would happen. I get a little nervous when it comes to making plans because so many times they haven’t ended up happening or guys flake out and disappear off the face of the earth.

I had a Friday off work coming up and found out this guy finished work early on a Friday so I suggested we meet the following week to grab some food to which he agreed. The new week arrives and I don’t hear anything for a couple of days but I’m not someone who is always on my phone and understand life gets busy so I didn’t worry. On Thursday of that week my mum starts getting chills and feeling really cold and a few hours later her breathing starts going down. My mum is a severe asthmatic and any little niggle sets it off. The next day her breathing was continuing to decline and I mentioned seeing the doctor but I know how much they scare her. If I can keep her calm we can manage but the following day (Saturday) she called an ambulance and was admitted to hospital. This began two and a half weeks of struggles for both of us, I knew she was in the best place to get help but she wasn’t getting the help she needed. There were a number of mistakes made and things that didn’t need to happen that did.

The first week we saw progress and I managed to go to work and visit in the afternoons but things changed when a doctor prescribed her morphine. I still don’t understand why it was prescribed because she wasn’t complaining about pain. The drug didn’t fully affect her for a few days and then I started to notice strange behaviour. Mum seemed paranoid/scared, angry, not interested in talking to me, confused and was hallucinating and seeing things in her room that weren’t there. It was frightening to watch and she wasn’t aware she was acting that way which was more concerning. This was week two and I was barely at work, I wasn’t coming home in the evenings like the previous week because I was scared to leave her and she was scared when I wasn’t there. I basically lived at the hospital. I requested the doctors stop giving morphine and they did but the comedown was hard. The worst day was Thursday, July 23rd. I phoned my brother and urged him to come down as up until that point I was doing everything on my own and I hadn’t slept and eaten properly for days. I also phoned my boss in a state and she was so kind and understanding and later that day a work colleague came up to see if I was alright and took me to get something to eat.

My brother arrived on Friday and on Friday mum had improved from the day before. The doctors came around to say she would be discharged and we could go home. Mum was so happy to come home after being in hospital for two weeks but around 12 hours after being discharged she was re-admitted with dehydration. Mum had been on a machine that was helping her to breathe but because it pumps warm air into your body she was sweating a lot and losing her fluids. Mum was put on a drip which is something I thought they would have done before the re-admission. A couple of days later she was discharged again and has been home since. We did have a third setback and she ended up needing a second course of antibiotics from her GP but fingers crossed we’re on the home stretch now.

This takes me back to the guy I was talking to. I haven’t heard from him since before mum went into hospital which is about a month ago now. I did think about messaging him occasionally but most days didn’t have time, things would change that often and were unpredictable. I was also curious if he’d check in with me and he didn’t so I had a feeling I was going to be ghosted. A couple of days before the end of July I messaged him and explained what had happened and didn’t get a response. I’m not completely cruel and don’t like to think bad of people and maybe there’s something else going on there that I didn’t know about or he has been hurt before but it still sucks if someone doesn’t have the balls to be honest and can’t give you an explanation. It might be uncomfortable at the time but in the long run it’s less painful. I am close to giving up on trying to find a relationship to be honest, it’s hard to give so much of yourself and get nothing back and to feel like you’ve given time to someone who is stringing you along is disheartening.

July was a real mix of emotions and despite the crappy hand I was dealt there were also good moments. Ellie Goulding released a new album, Delta Goodrem announced shows in New Zealand for next April and I learnt yet more life lessons about people and who to trust. As twisted as it sounds the bad can sometimes lead to the good. Let’s hope the rest of the year is calmer and better things are around the corner.

Let me know what you’ve been up to in the last month?

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Lockdown Life

Hello, it’s me! (Chanelle, Adele – they sound similar right?!)

I haven’t posted for a few weeks and to be honest I was enjoying downtime when I could get it. The past couple of weeks I have been quite busy with work and preparing for my return to the workplace. I did want to write this post to check in and share what I’ve been up to throughout lockdown. New Zealand is no longer in strict lockdown and on Thursday, May 14th the majority of businesses and sectors started back at work in the workplace (including me).

I’m not going to lie, I relished lockdown life! I am quite a homebody so didn’t find the staying at home difficult. I didn’t find my productivity suffered and I found I probably had more of a work-life balance. I was less stressed, I was eating less often but better and I got to spend time with my loved ones (mum and Halo). I also kept myself distracted with the following:

Reading

It’s natural that as a librarian I enjoy reading and I got through a good chunk of books! I would sit at the table and read as I was waiting for email replies, on my lunch breaks etc. Over the past seven weeks I managed to get through eight books and I’m currently 48% of the way through my Goodreads goal for the year.

I finished:

  1. Twas the Nighshift Before Christmas – Adam Kay
  2. The Longest Holiday – Paige Toon
  3. The Hunting Party – Lucy Foley
  4. If I Never Met You – Mhairi McFarlane
  5. I Dare You – Sam Carrington
  6. The Guest List – Lucy Foley
  7. She Lies In Wait – Gytha Lodge
  8. Our Stop – Laura Williams

Working

I was able to work from home and it was good to have a routine of sorts and a bit of distraction and something to focus on. I was able to do all the admin parts of my role including payroll, raising and receipting purchase orders, answering customer emails and phone calls and attending Zoom meetings as required. There’s lots of other little elements to my role as well and it keeps me busy.

Online shopping

I have possibly been more spendy than I should have during lockdown and I will share everything I purchased when it arrives in a separate post. Prepare for quite a few beauty bits!

Exercise

Along with eating less and eating better I was also able to start exercising regularly again. I’m probably not as ‘fit’ as I was a couple of years ago and my stomach and legs are certainly not as toned but I loved getting back on the exercycle and I will try to keep it up. Exercise helps stamp out any bad feelings and makes me feel more positive.

Singing

People most likely wouldn’t think of singing as exercise but it can help greatly if you’re asthmatic as it teaches you to breathe in different ways and gives you techniques that help with inhaling and exhaling. Singing has so many good benefits; it relieves anxiety, helps oxygen move and circulate around the body and teaches muscle memory when it comes to hitting the notes. I found during lockdown my voice was sounding better than it has for a while which I think is due to being less stressed which allowed the vocal chords to open up and created less constriction. I also like to sing whilst using the exercycle, proper little multitasker!

Playing with makeup

I didn’t wear makeup as often as I usually would but I did enjoy applying it and making myself look nice for Zoom meetings. I took some great selfies during lockdown too. (Shameless I know!) It was nice to take a bit of extra time to play with colours and products I felt like using on the day and apply my makeup in daylight again (usually I apply my makeup at 6am before sunrise).


I hope you enjoyed catching up with what I’ve been doing. I was actively reading blog posts and leaving comments the whole time as well as being around on social media.

Leave a comment and let me know if you’re still in lockdown, how you’re going and what you’re most looking forward to when it’s over!

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Unpopular Opinions Makeup Tag

I saw this tag on Rachael’s blog and at the end saw I had been nominated by her to take part. I haven’t done a tag for a while but this one looked interesting and the questions were certainly thought provoking.

1. Popular makeup product you don’t like

Garnier Micellar Water. I purchased the original pink capped version when it came out and it dried out my skin and irritated it a little. I know there are variations now for different skin types but that initial experience put me off trying the product again.

2. Popular makeup product/brand that everyone else seems to hate but you love

Maybelline’s ‘The Nudes’ eyeshadow palette. A lot of reviews slam this palette for being boring and not having much pigment but I enjoy the mix of mattes and shimmers and the warm and cool tones. I don’t use this palette as much as I once did but I’m planning to pull it out again for the month of February and see if I like it as much as I used to. I personally don’t find this palette lacks pigment but I do have fair skin so the colours possibly show up more easily.

3. Makeup collab you didn’t like or were not interested in

The Shane Dawson x Jeffree Star Conspiracy and Mini Conspiracy palettes. The palettes don’t look cohesive and the colours aren’t ones I’m drawn too. The shades are out there and different which is good but I wouldn’t wear the majority of the colourful shades.

4. Popular makeup step that you never do

Eyeliner. I would have poorer eyesight without my glasses on than usual for this step and I don’t have the patience for it. I’m not bothered I don’t wear eyeliner in all honesty.

5. Popular beauty influencer you don’t subscribe to/watch

Tati Westbrook to name one. It would probably be easier to name a ‘popular’ beauty influencer I do watch. I’m oblivious to all the YouTube drama and don’t even know who most of the big names are.

6. Popular makeup product/brand that you don’t use/support anymore

Maybelline Colour Tattoo eyeshadows. About 5 years ago I purchased two shades and they were so dry and crumbly and hard to apply to the eyelids. The colours weren’t flattering at all.

7. Makeup trend that you have no interest in trying

Getting my brows tattooed. I like to keep my brow routine simple and minimalistic.

8. Makeup product that was better in theory than when you used it. Either swatched better or worked better on others than on you.

This could be a little controversial but the It’s My Pleasure palette from Colourpop. Don’t get me wrong I love purple on my skintone and the colours swatch well but the majority of looks I try to create end up looking similar. A couple of shades I find hard to incorporate as well (Pretty Cruel and Mr Sandman). Out of the Colourpop nine pan palettes I own this is my least favourite. I don’t dislike this palette but I don’t love it as much as other people seem to.


Let me know if we share any similar opinions.

I tag Holly, Dannii and Hunida to do this next!

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Hello 2020!

Happy New Year lovely readers! I hope you all had a relaxing holiday season and have enjoyed the first days of January so far.

I had a quiet Christmas which I don’t mind as the day feels peaceful and relaxing. I don’t have a big immediate family so there’s nowhere to travel and there aren’t people to visit but my brother came to stay with mum and I for a week. On Christmas Day we all had a nice meal and I spent the afternoon watching a documentary about Michael Hutchence – I find music documentaries fascinating and this one was poignant and touching. The next day I went shopping and picked up everything on my list. Shops weren’t as busy as I expected either which was a nice surprise. As I have been working through the Christmas/New Year period I’m hoping to take some leave at the end of January around my birthday and have a break then.

I’m coming in to 2020 excited about blogging. I’ve got a few post ideas up my sleeve and I’m going to adopt a similar posting style to last year, posting and writing when I’m in the mood and inspiration strikes. Looking back over the most popular posts from 2019 the clear winners are haul posts and monthly favourites. There won’t be any major changes to the blog overall and I’m enjoying a more relaxed approach.

I’m not sure what 2020 will bring but there’s something refreshing about that and being able to let things happen as they come and be in the moment. I’m hoping this will be the year I get back into a better exercise routine, it’s something I’ve been trying to do for months but things keep cropping up. I’m excited that I’ll be seeing my favourite band, Steps, live in May as I never dreamed that would happen and it still feels surreal at the moment. Slowly I’m becoming more assertive and learning to stand up for myself and look after my needs without feeling guilty and worrying I’m putting other people out. Sure we all want to be liked and respected but constantly pleasing others is detrimental to yourself. Don’t let yourself be taken advantage of and don’t be afraid to speak up and let your thoughts be heard. That doesn’t mean being defensive and being nasty towards others, it’s about knowing your worth. I’ve realised that when it comes to dating and I’m not going to be with just anyone. There’s nothing wrong with having a standard and I’d rather wait for something meaningful than be with someone for the sake of having someone. I’ve always been independent and I need a man that can handle that and doesn’t question why I do or like certain things – you should be accepted for who you are. Work hard, don’t settle and persistence and determination will pay off.

I wish everyone a fabulous year and I look forward to interacting with you in the comments and online!


Let me know what you’re excited for in 2020 and if you have any goals you’d like to achieve.

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Tips For Staying Safe On Tinder

Hi, my name’s Chanelle and I use Tinder. People will make jokes about others who use it and yes at one point I was embarrassed to admit I use it for that reason but I’m not ashamed to say I’ve put myself out there and would like to meet someone new.

Honestly, I’ve never gone into using Tinder with expectations and whether or not a friendship or relationship comes from it, I don’t mind either way. I use it simply because the world has become so digital. As well as potentially looking to meet someone day to day, it’s not doing any harm looking online too.

I’ve talked briefly before about not wanting to use Tinder for casual hookups (there are people who do use it for that, which is fine – I’m not going to shame somebody for wanting a bit of fun) but I’m the type of girl who prefers to be exclusive and focus on giving my all to one person. I also think using the app makes me feel more confident and I’m not afraid to message guys first and initiate conversation. Dating is surprisingly one thing that I don’t stress about a lot, I’ve got quite a relaxed attitude towards it. The dates I’ve been on have never ended with animosity or made me feel like I was in danger – they just haven’t worked out and that’s okay.

I’m lucky that the dates I have been on have always made me feel safe and I don’t associate negative feelings with meeting a guy for the first time. There are horror stories out there, not everyone is trustworthy and things do go wrong but if you take precautions to keep yourself safe the positive experiences outweigh the negative ones. I like to think I’m a sensible girl and I make logical decisions. I wanted to impart some of my Tinder dating wisdom to ensure other people like me who are looking to meet someone genuine do stay safe.

TIps:

Tip #1: Don’t Meet Straight Away (I.E. the day of the first message)

You’ll know by having a few conversations with a person over the course of a week or two whether you do actually want to meet them. You’re able to ask questions and gauge their responses and if they disappear for days on end or different things they say don’t add up you haven’t rushed into meeting them. If someone really wants to meet you they won’t mind waiting until you’re both ready.

Tip #2: Don’t Reveal Personal details on your profile

I don’t share the location of where I work or any links to social media on my Tinder profile. If I’m messaging someone and they ask what I do for work I will say but it relates to Tip #1, you’re able to gauge the conversation and decide who you let know where you work. Workplaces are an obvious location for stalking to start and for people you haven’t matched with to be able to see that information makes you more readily available to them.

There is an option to link your Instagram account so Tinder can show recent photos but I don’t want my pictures getting taken and I don’t want everyone to follow me on Instagram. Instagram usernames aren’t included on Tinder profiles and if I’m talking to someone, we get along and Instagram comes up as a topic, I can decide whether to give it out or not.

Tip #3: Always Let Someone KNOW if YOU Plan To MEET up With a Tinder Match

THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PIECE OF ADVICE I want you to take from this post! Every date I have ever been on my mum has known about. It doesn’t have to be a parent but telling a friend, family member or a co-worker where you’re going ensures if anything goes wrong they have an idea where you are or where you’ve been.

Tip #4: Meet In a Public Place

I don’t like to meet someone for the first time in a secluded area or a quiet part of town where no one is around. Usually I will be the one to suggest where to meet and generally always pick somewhere to eat where there’s guaranteed to be other people and witnesses around. I haven’t had to do this but if you’re in a cafe or restaurant and you do feel unsafe you can make an excuse to head up to the counter and let a staff member know what’s going on. You could even arrange with a friend before the date to casually ‘bump into them’ where you’re meeting so they know you’re okay and help you get out of the situation if you don’t feel right about it.

Tip #5: Arrange Your Own Transportation

I have been offered to be picked up on dates before but I have never accepted for the simple fact of getting into a car with a stranger. If you make your own way there via bus or driving yourself and the date doesn’t turn up you know the person’s intentions weren’t true and you are still safe and you can turn around and go home. I have let a few dates drop me home as I’ve spent a couple of hours with them to know I don’t feel uneasy in their presence. My mum always offers to pick me up or tells me to call her if I need anything and I know I can rely on her.

Tip #6: You Don’t Have To Give Out Your Phone Number

This relates to Tip #2 – if you don’t feel comfortable giving someone your phone number, don’t! If someone tries to question you, be honest and upfront and explain you only give out your number to close friends and family members. If someone wants to keep talking and getting to know you, it won’t matter and they won’t make you feel guilty. In time you can decide to change your mind.


I hope you found this post interesting! There are plenty of other safety tips out there like carrying a whistle or pepper spray or downloading an app that tracks the location of your phone so friends and family can see where you are. The ones I talked about are personally things I do and I would love to know if you have any tips of your own – leave them in the comments!

Happy dating!

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Chatty March Update

The first quarter of 2019 is almost over. I wanted to do a catch up post and check in with you all and update you on how things have been going. I figured the easiest way is to divide the post into categories and write a few points under each. Sit back, relax and enjoy!

Work

  • I started my admin job in November 2018 and I’m four months in now. I am definitely a lot busier than I was before but I am starting to finetune my routine and get to grips with everything. I have been tired lately but I put that down to a combination of working hard, starting a new job right before summer and this summer being so warm. I am here for the cooler weather!
  • I’ve got my first proper lot of time off since October coming up in April around Easter which I’m excited for. I plan on taking it easy, catching up on my Goodreads target and going through my wardrobe and clearing out clothes I don’t wear.

Blogging/Social Media

  • At the start of year I mentioned I would be blogging less. I have still been keeping active by commenting on other people’s posts and reading blogs and I’m finding one post a week is working at the moment. It’s enough to keep me inspired without feeling pressured to churn out content.
  • Instagram is my favourite social media and it’s where I’m the most me. I was thinking about my habits recently and how I tend to use the platform. I post a few pictures a week and I tend to gravitate more towards posting on my feed than uploading to my stories. I use stories for quick in the moment pictures I can still look back on as well as polls and sharing any thoughts I want to get out.
  • In my bullet journal I am tracking my Instagram followers to see how much they increase throughout 2019. I don’t have a goal or get obsessed with numbers but I’m curious to see the change.

Beauty

  • My lipstick ban is going well, I haven’t been tempted to buy any new shades at all and it’s surprisingly easy. I am enjoying using what I’ve already got.
  • The makeup low buy is also going well. This year I have bought a MAC pigment in Melon, some eyeshadows from Colourpop, a Zoeva makeup brush and Kevyn Aucoin’s Sculpting Powder in Light – I’ve been wanting to try contouring for a while now and know this powder is well loved.

Personal

  • I’m not feeling great with the way I look lately, I don’t know whether it’s the heat making me feel sluggish or having more of a sit down job but I feel the heaviest I have in a while. I nearly always take my own lunch to work instead of buying it but I’m not walking around as much as I was.
  • I stopped taking the contraceptive pill in December 2018. I have been keeping notes over the past few months and seeing if there are any noticeable changes in case I decide to write a post about my experience taking it and coming off. I’m not adverse to going back on the pill in future and I stopped taking it because I’m single, not for health reasons.
  • I have been in a pretty good place so far in 2019. I have a mood tracker in my bullet journal and the amount of days I’ve had that have been difficult or I’ve felt nervous/anxious, sad or angry have been outweighed by good days. I still write down one positive thing about each day and keep monthly gratitude pages in my journal as well.

Exercise/Diet

  • I want to take the stairs more at work if I don’t have anything to carry instead of using the lift. 90% of the time I walk down the stairs but going up is harder. Over time it will get easier and be beneficial.
  • I aim to use the exercycle to cycle 10km three times a week and I would like to get back into yoga. Yoga always makes me feel calm and is good exercise that doesn’t make you sweat but you can see the benefits if you keep up with it. I will try and aim to do yoga once at the weekend in addition to the cycling.
  • Beginning April 1st I want to consume less sugary treats. Over summer I had more sugary drinks than usual and I want to cut them out too.

2019 Goals Progress

  • The lipstick ban is going well.
  • I haven’t made any recipes from my cookbooks but I have made a list of ones I’d be interested in making – maybe I’ll get to one during my time off.
  • I am a few books behind on my Goodreads goal but it’s still doable.
  • I have only driven once this year and my goal is to drive at least twice a month. I’m still finding it hard to feel comfortable and pick things up.

Thank you for reading – I hope you are all keeping well! Let me know you’re doing and how you’re finding 2019!

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Story Time: My Recent Dating Experience

If sharing something makes me uncomfortable momentarily but is able to help another person I consider that a good result. I see my readers as friends and I like to treat you that way and keep you informed.


Over the past 10 months I have dabbled with dating; I’ve been on four dates with four different guys in that time, all with varying degrees of success. I take dating seriously and one of the most important factors is feeling comfortable around someone. I have always been an anxious person – though not always when it comes to dating – and the past year has magnified that. I do know my own mind and the kind of thing I’m looking for but I can also be laid back and I’m not judgmental. I find I don’t actually get nervous about dates until the day right before I meet the person and once the initial small talk is over I’m fine.

I have a somewhat relaxed attitude to dating, if a guy doesn’t like me for me I can’t change that and I don’t get too worked up and upset if it doesn’t work out surprisingly. My last date however left me disappointed in a strange way. First, a little bit of a backstory. We matched on Tinder in early February and by the time we met we had already been messaging for a couple of weeks. We messaged frequently throughout this time and there were certainly quite a few points it got more in depth than “Hey, how’s your day going?” This guy wasn’t arrogant or self centered, could hold a good conversation, take and make jokes and genuinely seemed interested to learn about me and I them. I am an open book and will talk about nearly everything, I’m not afraid to be honest and I will say if I feel a conversation is heading down a road I’m unsure of or I feel uncomfortable. We talked about break ups, shared a ton of personal thoughts and followed each other on social media.

Fast forward to date day, Saturday February 22nd. I was working my 6th day in a row and I had arranged to come home, get changed and meet this guy after work for dinner – I was looking forward to it. He lives in a different city and traveled to meet me which was admirable. I wasn’t thinking too far ahead and while the distance may have been a hurdle, when we were talking he didn’t make it sound like a problem. He was on time, we sat down and talked before ordering dinner and he was exactly how he had been when we messaged. He told me I looked nice (which I’ve never had on a date before) and I smelled nice and conversation wasn’t awkward. I ran up to the counter to order my dinner and pay before he could do it for me (which he later said was cute) and we both enjoyed our meal. Afterwards we went for a walk around town and had dessert and he invited me back to where he was staying. I’m not going to go into full details but there was some kissing. I didn’t do anything I regret and I didn’t spend the night.

The next morning we messaged each other and made plans before he went home. He picked me up and we went out for breakfast which was nice. We went for another walk, this time a 30 minute track through the Redwoods (a well known location where I live). I started feeling uneasy and nervous, I don’t know why but it wasn’t because of him. I sat down and was exhaling slowly and felt like I was going to have a panic attack. I told him I felt uneasy but not about the panic attack feeling and from then on I became quiet and feel like that’s where I blew the date. After the walk we played mini golf and I didn’t quite feel right through that either but we completed the game. At the end he kissed my forehead and dropped me home. He thanked me for the weekend and said he’d message when he was home safe. I sent him a message when I was through the door apologising for my nerves and said how I’d been feeling then went and had a nap.

I woke up to a message saying he was home and he also said he was tired which was understandable from driving and he hadn’t had the best sleep the previous night. I noticed the change in dialogue, tone and message frequency and prepared myself for what eventually followed two days later. On Tuesday night, February 26th, he sent me a DM on Instagram. He apologised for any pain caused and said I was too shy and too different and he’d only end up hurting me but that I seemed like a “great chick.” I knew it was coming and I don’t know why it was prolonged 48 hours, why couldn’t he have told me in person or said something when he got home that night? If you’re not feeling something there are signs and gut instincts. I asked a few questions and I don’t know how true his answers are or what his intentions were compared to what we talked about when we first messaged, but the two impressions didn’t match up. The previous week he’s telling me he doesn’t half ass things and we’d talked openly about personal topics and now he’s saying he’s not for me. I get personalities may not match in person and distance may have been an issue and if that was it, say – I’m an adult, I can take it. After the messages he unfriended me. Even if things weren’t going to progress and you tell someone you had a good time and they seem like a great person, could you not stay friends in the online sense? I’m not possessive or jealous and that shows more respect rather than feeling like someone’s experiment and as soon as you’re not required, you’re erased. I didn’t develop feelings for this guy but he said all the right things that I can see how I could have. It was definitely one of the better dates I’ve had and I did feel relatively comfortable in his presence.

Part of me feels like I’m making a big deal out of nothing and at least he messaged me and told me what he was thinking. I wasn’t sure whether I should write this post. It’s not a kiss and tell story or meant to hurt the other person involved in any way. I wanted to share and see whether something similar has happened to one of you before and how you dealt with it if it has.

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Hello 2019!

Happy New Year everyone! I hope the first few days of 2019 have treated you well. Let me know how you celebrated in the comments – did you go out or stay in?

I always think it’s important to write a post like this at the start of the year so I can prepare my readers for what’s to come and run through any changes for the year ahead. Throughout December 2018 I started thinking about the direction for the blog and I knew I still want to write and share posts but I’m not sure how frequently that’s going to be. For the first month or so of 2019 I will be having a very relaxed posting schedule and mostly sharing when I feel like it. I want to have some time to immerse myself in the new year and get into the swing of things without having a strict three post a week promise to myself.

I still have a few post ideas in the pipeline and I will be creating a list of future ideas in my bullet journal. When I do post I will likely still be posting on a Monday, Wednesday or Friday, I find those days work well for me. I won’t be writing a Redhead Rambles update every week and I am unsure whether I will still share my daily highlights at the end of each month. Perhaps I could do a combination of the two and share any significant highlights and things that have happened at the end of each month or every two months. I am not unhappy with my past posts but I want to write quality rather than quantity. If you follow me on Twitter and Instagram (links at the bottom of the post) you will be able to keep up with me more regularly and see what I’m up to!

I was curious to see what my most popular posts from 2018 are, not only as a source of inspiration for 2019 content but to look back and reminisce.

1. Rimmel Match Perfection Two Years OnI am a little surprised this was the most popular but it shows beauty/makeup is what a lot of my readers are here for.

2. The Breakup 💔I am so proud of this post! I’m not bashing my ex or being disrespectful, I simply recounted what happened. Everyone left such thoughtful comments and I really felt the support.

3. 1,000 FOLLOWERS GIVEAWAY!Following closely behind is the giveaway I ran at the end of September for (finally) reaching 1,000 followers. Nadine was the lucky winner!

4. GRWM: Trying New MakeupI loved this neutral look I created back in August. I used a MAC lipstick with possibly the cutest shade name ever, Hug Me.

5. 30 By 30A list of things I want to accomplish before turning 30. I’ve got just over 7 years left!

6. First Peek Inside My Bullet JournalI fell in love with my bullet journal in 2018. In this post I share some of the first pages I created. The post also features a flick through YouTube video.

7. Blogger ClichesThis is not poking fun at bloggers, I share what the majority of us seem to do and love.

8. Current Thoughts & Feelings: Dating/RelationshipsPersonal, honest posts tend to do well and this post follows my mindset after the breakup.

9. Remembering Tango – It’s highly appropriate this post was the ninth most popular, Tango would have turned nine in October 2018. I’m glad she features as in a few days it will be one year since we lost her.

10. Decluttering My Beauty DrawerI got rid of beauty products I didn’t like or use very often.


It’s important to look back but it’s also important to look forward and not stay in the past. I have four goals for 2019 and I thought I’d share them with you.

  1. Try not to buy any lipstick – This will be tough as lipstick is my favourite makeup product but I’d love to be able to say I did it!
  2. Make recipes from my Kmart cookbooks – I bought two cookbooks last year and haven’t made anything from them yet, I hope this changes.
  3. Read 50 books – I read 48 in 2018 so I don’t think this is impossible! I’m also taking into account I work slightly more hours now.
  4. Drive at least twice a month – During the last couple of months of 2018 my driving practice fell by the wayside so I’m hoping to get back into practising more regularly.

Over the coming weeks I may think of more goals but they are what I have for now.


I hope 2019 brings everyone lots of love, laughter and happiness! Cheers to the year ahead!

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