If you’re not an adrenaline junkie or a thrill seeker it’s easy to get labelled as boring or an introvert. While the majority of the time I would describe myself as the latter two, there have been moments I’ve surprised myself and made ‘big’ decisions. We all have experiences that shape us into who we are, they may not always be good but they all teach us a lesson. If you want to learn about some of the things that have changed me, keep reading!
1. Growing up without my dad
Unconsciously I think living without my dad influences so much of what I do and the decisions I make. I didn’t have experience with boys and relationships with them growing up and that includes my dad. I wonder if that sense of not being important and not feeling wanted stems from this. Whenever I think of my dad I get emotional. When he left I was heartbroken but as time went on I learned to live without him and now I know life was better without him. I’m not a bitter person but I don’t know if I can forgive him for the upset and the emotional damage. My dad doesn’t know my hobbies, my favourite colour, how I did at school or most things about my life. I’m independent and I’m tough and that’s because of him and I’m proud of that. The line in Grease about the only man a girl can depend on is her daddy isn’t always true.
2. Meeting my boyfriend
As a child and at school I was always inexperienced with the male sex. I grew up with my brother but I didn’t have friends that were boys and I had no clue how to talk to them. I hoped one day I would meet someone and I am glad I didn’t put any pressure on myself and it happened naturally. A couple of days before writing this post my boyfriend was talking about fate and I still find it amusing that out of all the people I could have met I met a Brit! I feel like no one gets us except us and we have this beautiful understanding of each other. I don’t feel pressured to be a certain way and whenever I see him I feel free and at ease. Meeting him has given me more confidence, I’m not sure if it’s a sense of belonging and ‘fitting in’ or just experiencing new things and having someone to get to know.
3. Jobs and work
Work can be a tough topic to talk about. I think it’s fair to say we all have an idea what our dream job would be but for some of us we aren’t in that dream job. When I got my first job as a pharmacy assistant I was so proud to have landed a position after job searching for 18 months following my Communications course. I had that job for roughly a year before the pharmacy ownership changed hands and I was let go. At the time I was upset and distraught as I hadn’t done anything wrong and it came unexpectedly out of the blue. My attitude actually became more positive and during the few months that followed leaving the pharmacy I was happy and I found my second job. I made the decision to leave my second job in August 2017 because my head wasn’t in the best place and I had been experiencing anxiety. I am pleased to say I haven’t experienced anxiety again on that level and I am in a better place. I still have down days but not as many. I know what to look for now and I wouldn’t put myself through that again.
4. Singing at a school talent quest
People know I sing and I enjoy it but I don’t actually do it in front of people often. (My mum and cat are privileged as they get private concerts 😛 ) When I was 14 I took the plunge and entered a school talent quest. Some of the school students knew I could sing and they encouraged me to do it. I sang ‘Issues’ by The Saturdays and I surprised myself with how un-nervous I was. Singing for people you don’t know is easier than singing for those you know well because their opinions matter more. By doing that talent quest I proved to myself I’m more than just a girl who sits in her bedroom singing.
5. Going to my first concert
If you know me well you know music is my biggest love. It’s comforting to know it’s always there and it helps and brings pleasure to so many people. I attended my first proper concert when I was 19 (I saw Ellie Goulding) and I still remember how excited I was and how elated I was the whole night. That feeling doesn’t happen for me very often it’s not one I ever want to forget. For those two hours I was in another place full of happiness and no one can take that away from me or ruin it. I want to be a singer one day and it would bring me joy to know I could be that escape for someone too.
What has impacted/changed your life – good or bad?
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Chanelle Hayley 