Story Time: My Recent Dating Experience

If sharing something makes me uncomfortable momentarily but is able to help another person I consider that a good result. I see my readers as friends and I like to treat you that way and keep you informed.


Over the past 10 months I have dabbled with dating; I’ve been on four dates with four different guys in that time, all with varying degrees of success. I take dating seriously and one of the most important factors is feeling comfortable around someone. I have always been an anxious person – though not always when it comes to dating – and the past year has magnified that. I do know my own mind and the kind of thing I’m looking for but I can also be laid back and I’m not judgmental. I find I don’t actually get nervous about dates until the day right before I meet the person and once the initial small talk is over I’m fine.

I have a somewhat relaxed attitude to dating, if a guy doesn’t like me for me I can’t change that and I don’t get too worked up and upset if it doesn’t work out surprisingly. My last date however left me disappointed in a strange way. First, a little bit of a backstory. We matched on Tinder in early February and by the time we met we had already been messaging for a couple of weeks. We messaged frequently throughout this time and there were certainly quite a few points it got more in depth than “Hey, how’s your day going?” This guy wasn’t arrogant or self centered, could hold a good conversation, take and make jokes and genuinely seemed interested to learn about me and I them. I am an open book and will talk about nearly everything, I’m not afraid to be honest and I will say if I feel a conversation is heading down a road I’m unsure of or I feel uncomfortable. We talked about break ups, shared a ton of personal thoughts and followed each other on social media.

Fast forward to date day, Saturday February 22nd. I was working my 6th day in a row and I had arranged to come home, get changed and meet this guy after work for dinner – I was looking forward to it. He lives in a different city and traveled to meet me which was admirable. I wasn’t thinking too far ahead and while the distance may have been a hurdle, when we were talking he didn’t make it sound like a problem. He was on time, we sat down and talked before ordering dinner and he was exactly how he had been when we messaged. He told me I looked nice (which I’ve never had on a date before) and I smelled nice and conversation wasn’t awkward. I ran up to the counter to order my dinner and pay before he could do it for me (which he later said was cute) and we both enjoyed our meal. Afterwards we went for a walk around town and had dessert and he invited me back to where he was staying. I’m not going to go into full details but there was some kissing. I didn’t do anything I regret and I didn’t spend the night.

The next morning we messaged each other and made plans before he went home. He picked me up and we went out for breakfast which was nice. We went for another walk, this time a 30 minute track through the Redwoods (a well known location where I live). I started feeling uneasy and nervous, I don’t know why but it wasn’t because of him. I sat down and was exhaling slowly and felt like I was going to have a panic attack. I told him I felt uneasy but not about the panic attack feeling and from then on I became quiet and feel like that’s where I blew the date. After the walk we played mini golf and I didn’t quite feel right through that either but we completed the game. At the end he kissed my forehead and dropped me home. He thanked me for the weekend and said he’d message when he was home safe. I sent him a message when I was through the door apologising for my nerves and said how I’d been feeling then went and had a nap.

I woke up to a message saying he was home and he also said he was tired which was understandable from driving and he hadn’t had the best sleep the previous night. I noticed the change in dialogue, tone and message frequency and prepared myself for what eventually followed two days later. On Tuesday night, February 26th, he sent me a DM on Instagram. He apologised for any pain caused and said I was too shy and too different and he’d only end up hurting me but that I seemed like a “great chick.” I knew it was coming and I don’t know why it was prolonged 48 hours, why couldn’t he have told me in person or said something when he got home that night? If you’re not feeling something there are signs and gut instincts. I asked a few questions and I don’t know how true his answers are or what his intentions were compared to what we talked about when we first messaged, but the two impressions didn’t match up. The previous week he’s telling me he doesn’t half ass things and we’d talked openly about personal topics and now he’s saying he’s not for me. I get personalities may not match in person and distance may have been an issue and if that was it, say – I’m an adult, I can take it. After the messages he unfriended me. Even if things weren’t going to progress and you tell someone you had a good time and they seem like a great person, could you not stay friends in the online sense? I’m not possessive or jealous and that shows more respect rather than feeling like someone’s experiment and as soon as you’re not required, you’re erased. I didn’t develop feelings for this guy but he said all the right things that I can see how I could have. It was definitely one of the better dates I’ve had and I did feel relatively comfortable in his presence.

Part of me feels like I’m making a big deal out of nothing and at least he messaged me and told me what he was thinking. I wasn’t sure whether I should write this post. It’s not a kiss and tell story or meant to hurt the other person involved in any way. I wanted to share and see whether something similar has happened to one of you before and how you dealt with it if it has.

signature_59rnt66ifetkuap2w9

Follow me:

Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

34 thoughts on “Story Time: My Recent Dating Experience

  1. alwayscleia says:

    Some guys are the worst! That’s so strange that he just changed his mind and tone out of the blue. I would be annoyed that he deleted me right away too. I’m sorry you went from having a great first date to that 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Reeva says:

    Daaamn girl, I feel for you. It must be tough being single nowadays, but well done to you for putting yourself out there. You did all you could and if he’s not the dude for you rather you find out sooner than later. Could have been worse if your relationship with him prolonged and you found out only much later down the line that it wasn’t going to work out… xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chanelle says:

      I’ve never thought I MUST be in a relationship or have a boyfriend, don’t get me wrong love is great and it’s beautiful but I also know things will work out when they’re meant to and I have to trust that. Props to him for not leaving me hanging for weeks but it could have been done kinder at the same time x

      Liked by 1 person

  3. littlebeautyloves says:

    That seems strange that he changed his tone after going home. I’d be weirded out by that too. I guess it’s good good though that it ended without your feelings getting hurt. Last thing you want is to be dragged around. On to the next one.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Lorna says:

    The beginning is a true tell of who he will be in the end. I’m sorry you had to experience a disappointment when you had hope, but thankful he did not take you on a long ride to only drop you off with the same message months later. Unfortunately, the men in my age group (much older) are not much different. Dating can be challenging but keep putting yourself out there because Mr. Right for you will show up! Thank you for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chanelle says:

      Thank you for such a sweet comment! I know not all guys will be like this and I will keep looking for one who is ‘right’ for me, there’s a little voice that says keep going and one day it will all be ok 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. don't give a jam says:

    i’m sorry you’re feeling weird about this, i don’t really see why he had to unfriend you? i kinda agree that if you got on well, but weren’t suited to date, couldn’t you still keep in touch? IDK but at the end of the day, you need someone who can handle a bit of nerves!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chanelle says:

      Thanks for the support lovely! The unfriend really did feel like what he said didn’t have meaning and were just lines. I’m not a crazy jealous person that would have stalked his profile or commented on things and been nasty. People can be strange sometimes 😕 I don’t have time to put up with that kinda thing, moving on!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. danniijane says:

    Well you my dear are clearly too good for him!😘 I don’t know what was going through his mind, but some people just flip and change. Anyway, unfriending you seems petty and childish. Sending you love x

    Liked by 1 person

  7. stashy says:

    I wouldn’t say that you “blew the date” by saying you felt uneasy. Often, women don’t listen to their sixth sense or voice their concerns. You were looking out for yourself.
    What he said about being open and honest was prior to seeing you face to face. After meeting you in person, perhaps he didn’t want to hurt your feelings since you become a “real person” to him rather than an online image. I can also understand why he may not want to stay in touch – you were both on Tinder looking for romance, not friendship. Since this date didn’t lead to a relationship, then he probably wanted to move on.
    People are strange, that’s all there’s to it. Don’t dwell on it.
    And good for you for going out and meeting people. I dabbled in online dating – it was quite an adventure. No matter how much you “click” with someone online, there’s a lot to be said about face to face, in person chemistry that technology cannot replicate. I met my SO from online dating!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chanelle says:

      I’m not losing sleep over what happened and I don’t feel bitter about it. All I can put it down to is not being in the right place at the right time. Online dating can and does work for some people 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Rachael - Helpless Whilst Drying says:

    Oh what an odd one – it sounds to me like he’s in a bit of denial about who he thinks he is (what he tells you he is like online) versus who he is in person & what he wants.
    It’s a bit odd to unfriend straight away if the conversation was always friendly in the first place, but like you say, you’re right not to lose any sleep over the situation or him.
    I would be completely and utterly at a loss if I had to go into that online dating world, I genuinely don’t think I would or could. I have the upmost respect to anyone who puts themselves out there!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chanelle says:

      I’m over the situation now to be honest, but thought it would still be interesting to share my experience.

      It’s strange you should say that about online dating, in a way I’m not a fan of that fact that everything is so digital but for someone who can be shy like me in real life it makes me a little braver and you can kind of assume people you match with or talk to want something similar. I know not everyone is transparent but it can be less intimidating than bowling up to someone in real life. I like to think I’m a good judge of character and I haven’t ever put myself in a bad situation or felt like I was in trouble. While some of the dates I’ve had haven’t gone well, I never felt scared of the other person x

      Like

      • Rachael - Helpless Whilst Drying says:

        I think I’d be lost at any dating situation now, we’ve been together since we were 15 so I’ve never experienced the “adult world of dating” at all. I’m not sure where I’d start outside of the school disco coupling process haha!

        That’s good – the best thing you can be about any situation is sensible, if something doesn’t feel right then taking a step back is the right thing to do. If they’re the right person they’ll understand and respect that regardless x

        Liked by 1 person

      • Chanelle says:

        I don’t know if I’ve experienced the adult world of dating quite yet either lol, some people are immature and just want to play games. I am a sensible girl, with my head screwed on and it’s so true what you say about respect, if you don’t feel considered or listened to you will feel uneasy.

        Like

  9. Hunida says:

    Honestly, I think it had nothing to do with you! A lot of guys on Tinder are looking for one thing & whether you gave it to him or not… he would’ve said “it wasn’t working out.” There are plenty of better fish out there in the sea. Don’t dwell too much on this one. ♡

    Liked by 1 person

  10. chloeburford says:

    I am so sorry to hear this but so proud of you for sharing your story, I can definitely relate. I have so many stories on date fails. Before I met Tom I was dating and there was someone who I got on so so well with and like you, there was kissing, dates, everything then suddenly they called it a day for no reason and I was left thinking it was all just for sex. But then I met Tom and everything changed, they say you have to kiss a few frogs to meet a prince so never give up honey you’ll find your prince, it’s just so rubbish that there are so many horrible men in the world – chin up gorg!! xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chanelle says:

      The weird thing is this wasn’t the worst date I’ve had but the impression the person left me with didn’t match how they had portrayed themselves. I am sorry to hear you’ve had a few fails but I’m glad to hear you’ve met someone really nice in Tom 🙂 my prince will come one day haha xx

      Like

  11. NunziaDreams says:

    Eh, his loss, girl! He sounds like a flake! You’re a lovely person and deserve an amazing guy that’ll be consistent! 💛How strange that he changed his tune so quickly after the date and unfriended you. I’ve had situations like that happen to me before too! I remember in college, I dated this guy for a bit and he kind of just ghosted me out of nowhere. Guys can be such jerks sometimes, but there are really great ones out there too! I was so discouraged about dating before Alejandro, and he came into my life when I least expected it!

    It’s better that this situation happened sooner than later, honestly. It gives you the opportunity to find that really special guy in the future!! 💓

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chanelle says:

      I mean even if he wasn’t ghosting me have some balls to be honest if you’re not feeling it from the get go. I’m so used to being ghosted now, it’s not the first time it’s happened and I can’t help but wonder if I do something or say something to put guys off. I’m better off without guys like this around me but it gets a little frustrating sometimes, I don’t want to tarnish all guys with the same brush but no one seems to match my effort. I know I’m not high maintenance or demanding and one day all the disappoint will be worth it 😊

      Like

      • NunziaDreams says:

        I’m sorry to hear about all this, Chanelle :/ But you 100% will find love, dear!!! Never feel bad about being yourself. It’s just not worth it, and if a guy doesn’t like you for who you are, well then he can kick rocks lol!! Besides, you’re such a positive and sweet person!

        My grandma always tells me everything happens for a reason! He’s out there, girl!! Just keep your head up! And continue being your fabulous self!! x

        Liked by 1 person

  12. Cheila Belinda Cruz says:

    This is quite the story. I don’t have much dating experience so any advice would be useless. Rui and I have been together for 6 years and I was in a serious relationship for almost 3 years before that. I did “date” a little as a teenager but that doesn’t even count because I was too immature. While I was reading I kept trying to think about his intentions. Why come so far and give up so easily? Did he come to a different city hoping for a weekend long hookup? Did your anxiety freak him out? (sadly, it has happened to me) I definitely don’t understand why he would wait to tell you and the change in attitude. Blocking you on social media is simply childish. Maybe you’re better off. It’s wonderful that you’re putting yourself out there and being available and open. That’s the attitude. You’re gorgeous and obviously a catch, someone will come along. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chanelle says:

      I did ask him what changed and the reason I got was we’re different and I’m too shy. We’d talked before we met and I did explain that I was shy and what I had been through with my ex to make me like that. I guess he wasn’t willing to try and get past that and it’s his loss because I will find someone that comes along and doesn’t put my shyness in the way. I’m not always shy, once I know someone or talk to them a few times I get comfortable quickly. He didn’t block me per se but did unfriend me on Facebook lol. I didn’t explain to him I was feeling anxious but maybe he could sense it. Sometimes I don’t feel gorgeous or like a catch but thank you so much lovely ❤

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.