The Breakup 💔

I contemplated whether writing this post is something I wanted to do and for the longest time I didn’t think I needed to write it. I don’t owe anyone an explanation and I’m not writing this for sympathy. I write and share because I want to help and support anyone else going through a similar situation.

I was broken up with via a text message one Monday evening in April 2018. It is my first heartbreak experience as he was my first boyfriend. The breakup was a shock but after what led to the breakup I wasn’t surprised it happened. It still saddened me. My ex-boyfriend and I had been together for the best part of two years and during that time he was my rock. We talked every day, I felt like I had a true best friend who wanted the best for me and I wanted the best for him. We never argued or fought and in a number of ways I couldn’t ask for a better first relationship. I knew I could talk to him about anything, I could be serious, I could be sad, I could be goofy and he got all of me. I felt a sense of comfort with him that I don’t feel around many people. He made me feel beautiful and he was kind. Naively, I didn’t think he would hurt me the way he did.

We weren’t a typical couple in every aspect and I appreciate that. We didn’t go out for dinner or to restaurants (we’re both fussy eaters), we didn’t take many pictures together (not because we didn’t want to) and we never had romantic time away, we just wanted to be around each other and watch movies or eat pizza and talk and laugh. We always showed affection with touches or cuddles and I would do cute little things like leave the toilet seat up after I’d used it and pull the bed up in the morning. We were a team and it’s nice to have that constant support and sense of belonging and being important to someone. We knew we could rely on each other and we didn’t let the other one down. He was never late to pick me up, he didn’t try to make excuses not to see me, we wanted to be together as much as we could, we were so in love!

When you go from all of that to nothing within a couple of days, it’s terrifying and you ask yourself so many questions. Maybe there were times I could have been a better girlfriend but I know I loved him with all of my heart and I made sure I showed it. Quite soon after the breakup I concluded I loved him more than he loved me and he meant more to me than I did to him or else he wouldn’t have let this happen. I’m not saying his love for me wasn’t real but it was a different kind of love. He was my everything and I also questioned if that’s where I went wrong – making someone my whole world. The more I think about it the more I realise that’s what love is, you’d do anything for that person and their happiness is your happiness. I wasn’t scared to find love for the first time but part of me is scared to find it now.

So, how did it all end? I believe the relationship ended because another person got involved, not because either of the two people in the relationship actually wanted it to. It’s almost as if the decision was forced on him and he could only see the relationship working how it had been and if that changed it wouldn’t work anymore. Two days before the Monday I got the text about “going our separate ways” my ex-boyfriend dropped me home and less than two hours later I received hurtful text messages from his mother. These messages were threatening to say the least and I was accused of being heartless, thinking myself superior, driving a wedge between her and her son, going around destroying families and treating her home like a hotel. She also said she only put up with me because she loves her son. I still struggle with the fact that she never approached me prior to the messages or said anything to my face despite me being in her home hours earlier. I didn’t retaliate to the messages and kept calm but now part of me wishes I had and maybe I would have got to the bottom of everything.

Two days after I was broken up with my ex-boyfriend came to drop off a few things and say ‘goodbye’ and I read out a letter I’d written. I’ve kept the letter and one of the lines I wrote says part of me will love him forever. You always remember your first love and I wish it hadn’t ended the way it did. What hurts me now is not what I was accused of because I know it’s not true but that he didn’t think I was worth fighting for. I need someone who goes after what they truly want and isn’t afraid to fight when things get hard. Love isn’t always easy and I hope he is happy with his choice because I know he won’t find another Chanelle. I’m not perfect and he may not want another Chanelle but I know I am honest and dependable and a good person with a heart so full of love who never wants to hurt anyone else. I would never have hurt him if it had been the other way round and my mum had sent him the kind of messages I got.

You’re constantly reminded of that person and it’s hard when you don’t hate them. I hate what he did and what he let happen but I don’t hate the person he is. What also makes it hard is the fact we didn’t cut contact with each other (told you we weren’t a typical couple). I haven’t heard from him for a couple of weeks now but we’re still Facebook friends and when we broke up he said he wanted to help if he could. Part of me knows I should let him go and from now on I’m going to try not to initiate conversation.

It’s not easy some days. I go through periods of not feeling good enough for anyone and wondering if I’ll find someone else but I know deep down I want to find love again because it’s beautiful. I’ve also experienced feelings of shame and guilt about not wanting to be kissed or touched and it will take time for those to subside and be brave and let someone in again. Going forward I will be even more cautious than I was before and I need to think of myself now.

My advice if you’re going through a breakup or something similar, cry and feel whatever you need to feel to get closure. Your emotions will be up and down and some weeks you’ll be fine until you get frustrated and want to cry and scream. Write down your feelings and even if you throw away the bits of paper afterwards, getting them out often helps and makes your mind feel clearer. Take time to do what you enjoy, my biggest love is music and sometimes singing sad lyrics doesn’t help but music will always be there for me. Confide in people you feel close to, I spoke to a few blogging friends (Claire, Dannii and Katie) shortly after the breakup and they were so kind and made me see this wasn’t my fault. I don’t know if I could have prevented the breakup but through talking to my ex it sounds like the same thing has happened before. He basically admitted if he was living by himself it probably wouldn’t have happened.

I don’t want to feel bitter and I don’t want to be a cynic but you never know when things could change and while that’s scary you can’t prevent it. When my breakup happened I described it as walking down a street and being hit by a bus completely out of nowhere. I don’t like that it happened and it didn’t need to happen the way it did. Try not to be an asshole in a world that is full of cruelty. Whether you’re in love, whether you’ve been hurt by love or whether you’re looking for it, always be kind and accepting.

There are positive things that have come out of this breakup, I’ve lost weight, I’ve bought a car and am starting to drive and I’m getting new glasses. I’m still kind, sweet Chanelle who loves to laugh and wear bold lipstick and no one can take that away from me!


A huge thank you to everyone for their support over the past few months. If you have any questions about this post or advice, please share in the comments!

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54 thoughts on “The Breakup 💔

  1. caitlincx says:

    My heart aches for you 😩 I’ve experienced awful texts from a grown woman once before & it amazes me that we can be the more mature person! Keep smiling, you will find the one I promise. Keep remembering what the relationship has taught you 💞💞

    Liked by 2 people

  2. danniijane says:

    This was so hard to read because you’re amazing and of course never to blame! I hope you don’t hold yourself back for fear of being hurt. I know you’ll be more cautious but I think it happened for a reason. The reason being you’ll meet someone who loves you equally and would fight for you💕 Also glad it hasn’t dulled your lovely Chanelle sparkle. Any man would be lucky to have such a kind, sweet, beautiful person like you as their girlfriend xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chanelle says:

      I didn’t cry much writing this post which is a step forward! Thank you so much for your lovely comment and you’re right, someday someone will be pleased to keep me around and won’t want to lose me 💕

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Claire says:

    Chanelle, well done for being so brave and open up about this, I know it wouldn’t have been easy and it was something very personal to you and how much strength this must have taken you to hit publish!! Well done!
    You are an amazing person with a huge heart of gold and I’m glad that there has been some positive things happen since this!
    Sending you love!!

    Claire xxx
    http://eclairscares.blogspot.com

    Liked by 1 person

  4. stashy says:

    Glad you wrote this – It’s cathartic to get your thoughts out.
    It sucks that his mother got involved though…
    I think part of being vulnerable and opening yourself up is the risk of getting hurt – but, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
    I can imagine it’s a huge shift from how things were to a new way of life.
    But in the end, chalk it up to a rite of passage…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chanelle says:

      Thank you for reading and taking time to comment! As I said in the post he and I had never had any fights or disagreements and you’d also think if your boyfriend’s parents had a problem with you they’d let their son know. Unless secretly they did tell him how they felt and he didn’t pass it on to me. So many thoughts and scenarios ran through my head but it’s not worth the pain anymore. People need to prove their worth and that may sound cruel but I have a sensitive soul and couldn’t go through that all the time.

      Like

  5. beverlysbeautybook says:

    When I broke up with my first love, I felt like I wasn’t going to find love any more, I thought “part of me will always love him” but all that changed when I met my boyfriend that loves me right. Someone better is coming your way babe💕

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chanelle says:

      Aww thank you so much! I know I am a good person with a good heart who deserves special love and everyone’s idea of special is different but it doesn’t mean it isn’t great. I want to be with someone who celebrates me and cares for me as much as I do for them, I always seem to be the one who cares more xx

      Like

  6. Hunida says:

    You are so strong for sharing this, Chanelle. You are so right that he’ll never find another girl like you & he’ll regret his decision when he finally realizes he can’t let his mother control his life forever. You are always good enough & you’ll find the right person who you’ll have no problem opening up to. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chanelle says:

      As strange as it sounds I still won’t have a bad word said about him and part of me still wants to protect him but it’s not my job to. What’s done is done and I just need to keep moving forward and focus on what’s to come 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • Chanelle says:

      Thank you. It wasn’t a difficult post to write because it’s the truth and I’m not trying to place blame. When it happened I was so sad and didn’t want to believe it and would have done anything to change his mind but you shouldn’t have to convince someone to change their mind when they don’t want the same thing x

      Like

  7. Nadine says:

    You are a powerhouse woman, Chanelle. ❤️ No one can ever take that away from you. The kind, sweet person you are is something beautiful in a world which is so cruel. Never lose that. Never let the world taint you. I admire how you have handled this whole situation; you were the bigger person especially by not retaliating to his mother’s abuse. That wasn’t fair at all. No one deserves that. I’m sorry this happened to you but at the end of the day I am sure it will be a blessing in disguise. I firmly believe everything happens for a reason and maybe this happened to make way for some self-empowerment and an opportunity for something far more worthy and wonderful to come into your life at some point. You will find love again, that I am sure of, but it will happen when the time is right and when you are ready. All the best. I am sending an abundance of love your way. 💕 You are amazing, Chanelle. Never forget it. 😘

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chanelle says:

      Oh my goodness, this almost made my cry! Your words are so beautiful! You know what I am a powerhouse, I’ve been through a lot of tough situations and had to deal with things some people might not even have a clue about and that makes me strong and is part of the reason why I am the way I am. One day the reason this happened will make itself clear I’m sure 🙂 Sending love right back xx

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Sandy says:

    Thank you for sharing this! I am so sorry it happened to you. I believe things happen for a reason. You will meet the right one. Remember it is never you, the other person has issues that they have to deal with themself. Take all the time in the world to recover. Break-up is painful but I promise you that you will heal. Enjoy your own time. Cherish what you had and move on. Much love Sandyxo

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Cheila Belinda Cruz says:

    Oh honey, I knew you had been broken up with but had no idea how bad it had been. I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve to be treated like that. You’re sweet and kind and beautiful. You will find love again, trust me. I’ve been there. You’ll find someone who sees you and want you more than anything. Let your heart heal. It takes time. If you need to talk, I’m here for you. Much love and hugs your way. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chanelle says:

      It wasn’t the breakup itself that upset me but the way it was done, I’m not saying I was ready for the breakup but I wish it had come from either my ex or I. I’m not going to let myself be treated badly, enough is enough and from now on I will challenge people and call them out if something is not right. Thank you for your offer to talk to someone ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Mrs Strawberry Blonde says:

    Hi Chanelle, I’m glad you’ve worked through your pain. From what you write, it seems like your ex’s mum is strangely possessive of him. My guess is that she’ll wreck many more of his relationships – because he lets it happen. If he doesn’t man up and have a serious conversation with his mum, he’ll be ending many more relationships for the same reason. I hope he realises that he can’t live his life to please his mum or break up with his GF just to avoid having an open conversation with his mum…

    Yes, he’ll always be your first love, but we all know that the first love is never the true love. So… the best is yet to come!

    And since you’re such a lovely person, I have no doubt, you’ll find the most wonderful man who’s worthy of all the love you have to give. xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chanelle says:

      I’m better away from a situation like that and I don’t need people like that in my life. I was never rude about him or his parents to him and I really don’t get why she had an issue with me. If I do something wrong or you don’t like something I’ve done, tell me and we can have a conversation about it like adults. I’m not into playing games and manipulation.

      You’re right, most people don’t end up with their first love. I’ll find my prince someday xx

      Liked by 1 person

  11. littlebeautyloves says:

    wow, just wow! You are so brave for posting this and sharing a pretty intimate part of yourself with everyone. I think it’s really helpful for those going through something similar to know that it happens more often than you think. I’ve had a similar situation, granted not to the extent of someone’s mom messaging me but I truly get how it feels.

    I hope it continues to get better and easier for you. Love is such a beautiful thing when you find it with the right person, and I know you will ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chanelle says:

      I am overwhelmed by all the love and kind words everyone has shared since writing this post ❤️

      I get breakups are tough and maybe I’m being naive again but they don’t have to be. To me if something wasn’t working I’d like to think the person I was in the relationship with would have the balls to be honest and the same goes for me being honest with them. I very much like to fix things and get to the bottom of them rather than letting them fester. Messing with people’s lives is painful and destructive.

      Love is a beautiful thing and that’s probably part of the reason people who get hurt continue to want to find it. Good things don’t always come easy 😊

      Like

  12. NunziaDreams says:

    Chanelle, it isn’t easy to write about stuff like this. This post was so heartfelt and had me choking up. Thank you for sharing your story and being so vulnerable. You’re really brave and you are gonna find someone really great for you! I do truly believe everything falls into place, as cheesy as it sounds. You’re such a sweetheart and deserve someone that’s gonna treat you well and most importantly, with kindness. 💖

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chanelle says:

      Thank you so much for reading, everyone has been super supportive and it felt good to share this post and let my feelings out. I also believe things happen for a reason even if you don’t know the reason at the time. Just to clarify my ex-boyfriend did always treat me with kindness but if someone really loves you and wants to be with you they wouldn’t let what happened get in the way of their feelings. I have no doubt he loved me but it wasn’t meant to be ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Rachael - Helpless Whilst Drying says:

    I just realised I read this when you published it whilst I was standing in line at a store and never had chance to comment and thought… I’ll make sure that I reply when I get home and never did.
    Firstly well done for writing this, I think it shows you’re now moving on and it’s onwards and upwards. It sounds to me like he wasn’t the man you needed to be, he was a boy who was still partly under his mother’s control whether he realised it or not.
    You’ll find the right person who’ll rightfully love you for who you are, gel well with your family and you will with his and that’s when it will all fall into place. Not everything is perfect but it always takes sticking up for each other to stop other people interfering in what should be a relationship between two people.
    Hugs & Love through the internet xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chanelle says:

      I hope this doesn’t sound harsh but I think he realises he is under her control and that’s why he ended it, to keep her happy. I traveled to parts of NZ on days out with him and his family I’d never been to before and I was never disrespectful about him or his family. I really don’t understand what changed but by ending how it did they’ve shown their true colours and you can’t just roll over and forgive that. Thanks for reading Rachael xx

      Like

      • Chanelle says:

        I never tried to take him away or forced him to do something with just me. What bugs me is if they felt like that or he did want to do something just with his family all they had to do was say and it would be fine. Honesty is so much easier than manipulation and game playing. Situations like this happen more often than you think and it’s sad x

        Like

  14. The Debbie Effect 💓 says:

    This was so hard to read and so relatable because this was what happened to me some year back ,it’s awful I know ,and you hitting publish is very brave of you ,everything happens for a reason and some things are there to protect you before it destroys you ,happy days are ahead and someone who will love you fiercely is around the corner and you’ll be ready when that time comes
    Cheers💕💕

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chanelle says:

      Aww thank you for such kind words! It’s sad to hear similar situations to mine happen more often than you think. The response to this post has been great ☺️ hope you’ve found someone who loves you with all their heart now? x

      Like

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