Hey, It’s Okay… Not To Have Many Friends

I’m going to start by saying I’ve never been the most social of butterflies. I don’t enjoy crowds of people and throwing myself into social situations. I have my comfort zone and tend to stick to it. That doesn’t mean to say sometimes I’m not brave and I don’t like socialising but I lean more towards being an introvert.

I have always wondered what the proper definition of a best friend is. I imagine best friends know each other since they were little, grow up together, are always at each others houses, and no topics are off limits. Is that what it’s like or is that a cliche? It wasn’t until recently I felt like I had a contender for best friend (no offence to anyone I know in real life if you’re reading). I had no idea my boyfriend would become like my best friend when I met him. We talk every single day and I always love the conversations we have. I feel like we can talk about anything which is important to me because I haven’t always felt comfortable talking to some people about certain things and now I have this person I can talk to about everything. I feel similar towards my mum, but not every personal detail gets shared with her.

At school I had a few close people to call on but there were times during high school I would sit by myself at break times or go to the library and read or finish off work. When you’re young being popular makes you feel good but most of the time I didn’t mind being by myself or having a small group of friends and I still think that way now. I have a couple of school friends who I don’t see regularly but we’re still close and when we see each other we pick up where we left off. It can be months without seeing or talking to each other. I’d like to think we will always have that bond. We’re in different stages of life, naturally you grow and move on but we still keep in touch.

I know I’m different and I’ve come to accept and love that! I was always the kid that did their homework at weekends instead of going to parties. I’m not bad at socialising and can hold my own in a conversation. I will have a conversation about nearly anything and I’ve always been an asker of questions. I genuinely enjoy learning about different things and what makes people tick. If I don’t have an opinion on a topic or don’t feel knowledgeable enough I will say so which often leads to more questions and picking up new information. I like to think my social skills are acceptable and generally I’m a friendly person and easy to get along with.

I won’t pretend I’ve never felt lonely because there’s been many a time. It teaches you what kind of friend you’d be and the type of friend you are. I’ve never been the like sisters, always in each others pocket friend and maybe I am more reserved and close myself off more than I intend. I’ve always respected my need for space and alone time and maybe I assume everyone else is like me and needs the same amount of space/time. When I write theseΒ Hey, It’s Okay…Β posts they really make me think and question why I am the way I am. For me, that’s important, it shows growth and the ability to analyse and evaluate purpose.

I always seem to talk about Facebook in these posts but the amount of ‘Friends’ you have on Facebook doesn’t reflect anything. I prefer to text people rather than update them through social media so that’s probably why I don’t use it too often and I don’t get many notifications. We all have those people we’re Facebook friends with because we know them but we don’t follow their every move and we may not even know them very well. Facebook is a bit of fun, and a tool I use to stay in contact with people. I don’t make it my life. I don’t update my status regularly so if you’re close to me, chances are you know what’s going on and how I’m doing. I prefer catching up in person rather than through a screen.

The point of this post is basically to say don’t worry about the number of friends you may or may not have, quality over quantity! It doesn’t mean you’ll never make friends or meet people you click with. I’d be lost sometimes if I didn’t have this blog and wasn’t able to connect and interact with my blogging family. It’s nice to have like minded people around you and people you can confide in and talk too but wanting your own space is also healthy.

I’m sure there will be friends you grew up with but no longer see or you grew apart. Most of the time I believe everything happens for a reason and while you may not know why it happens at the time, someone will come along and make you forget about that lost friend. You’re never alone! You’re even luckier if you get to marry your best friend and grow old together, they’ll always be by your side!


What does friendship mean to you?

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27 thoughts on “Hey, It’s Okay… Not To Have Many Friends

  1. danniijane says:

    I think as you get older quality is definitely more important than quantity. I have a few close friends I trust but for the most part my partner too is like a best friend who I’d trust more than anyone else xx

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Travels of a beauty addict says:

    Moving abroad definitely makes you take stock of who your true friends are. They’re the ones that, even when you haven’t seen them in a year or more and probably only skyped a few times, you just get back together and nothing has changed, everything is the same as it always was. I miss my friends terribly but being away from them really has made me realise how important they are to me.

    And I totally agree with danniijane, quality over quantity!
    x

    Liked by 2 people

  3. stashy says:

    I don’t have a typical “best friend” either – my SO is my best friend. πŸ˜›
    I moved away from childhood friends and everyone naturally drifts apart – I think the movies and tv shows play into the cliches. Also, I stay away from Facebook as much as possible – that place is rife with filtered “truths”.
    And for sure, quality over quantity. That just applies to most things in life! πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chanelle says:

      I see people and everywhere they go they know someone. They’re not necessarily friends but it’s like they have this well known, popularity about them, they seem to know so many people haha. I’m glad it’s not just me who thinks the way best friends are portrayed is cliche πŸ˜›

      Like

  4. Nadine says:

    You know, when I read the title of this article I already knew that I wanted to comment, “Quality over quantity.” It made me smile when I saw you actually used that line in your post. Those words are probably some of the truest which can be spoken about friendship. When I was in high school I had many people I considered my friends but when it came down to the dark moments when I needed someone I didn’t feel like I could turn to them. I felt alone in my troubles. It wasn’t until my final year of high school when I started becoming closer to people whom I genuinely felt I could turn to no matter what and I won’t be judged that I realised those whom I previously called my best friends weren’t that at all; they were people I spent time with. It will never change the fact that I cared greatly for them but now I have three best friends who I can turn to for absolutely anything and it’s an empowering feeling. I think having people around you that make you feel infinite in their presence is what friendship should be.

    My best friends now are my friends who I have known for the least amount of time out of all my friendships but they are the most real. Growing up brought me to them and I will forever be grateful.

    I am also, without a doubt, an introvert. I tend to need my space and avoid letting people in.It’s amazing when you do reveal a tiny bit of yourself, though, and something beautiful happens as a result.

    I love these ‘Hey, it’s okay…’ posts!

    Liked by 3 people

    • Chanelle says:

      I think you’ve hit the nail on the head when you say the friendships you have now are the most real. I think that has to do with getting older and growing up, you want more of a connection rather than status of knowing your popular and having a large amount of friends. I’m glad you’ve met people who you can connect with and are special to you! I’m also so pleased you enjoy these posts! I love writing them and I always get the most beautiful comments and feedback from them 😘

      Liked by 1 person

  5. thoughtfulpigeon says:

    Thanks for posting this, it made me think about friendship more πŸ˜ƒWe sound similar in a lot of ways, with doing homework at school or sitting alone and not minding at school. I found most of my ‘friends’ when i was at school i seemed to stay friends with as the years went on because I’d always known them and started school together. It was only when I was about 15 I think I found a group of friends like me who had similar interests. I don’t think I’ve talked to anyone I went to school with for years, becoming I’ll kind of meant I drifted apart from people when i couldn’t do what they could, but some of the people I met online at the time, twelve years ago, i still talk to and if there’s a big gap it still feels like yesterday when we last spoke, if that makes sense. To me they’re more the friends than the ones you have around you every day but can’t really talk to when things get tough. It probably does have a lot to do with growing up as well as the fact when you go to school you’re sort of thrown in with people you might not have chosen as friends but they’re close so it’s easier to be friends with, at least that’s how I found it, and now it’s easier to join things because of a shared interest or something similar you can be more selective.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Chanelle says:

      That’s a good point about being thrown in with people. I still value and am thankful for most of my school friendships. As we get older we probably do get more selective and we’re more sure of ourselves and know what we want. That’s not to say you can’t meet friends unexpectedly or they have to be a certain way for you to be friends with them.

      Liked by 1 person

      • thoughtfulpigeon says:

        Yeah, some of the best friends appear from unusual places and sometimes opposites attract in everything but you definitely have a bigger range of places to find friends as you get older and I’ve found I’ve had contact with people with a bigger age range as well. When I was at school it seems like most people were friends within a year or two of their age, it would have been more unusual to be friends with someone ten or twenty years older than you than it is as an adult.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Ella May Garrett says:

    Thank you so much for posting this, I really need to read something like this at the moment. I found going to university difficulty because I moved massively from having a huge quantity of friends to a small group of quality people. Even though I know that now I have friends who care a lot about me, it is hard to forget that I once had a lot of people in my circle – silly when I know I have it better now! I think that’s why I understood what you meant about being lonely too. Loved this post πŸ™‚ xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chanelle says:

      Thank you so much for reading! We compare ourselves to others and our friends and we really don’t have to. So what if you only have a few close friends or only have 100 Facebook friends you know instead of 300 you don’t. Friendship is not about competing.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. lifeofanangela says:

    I’m similar in that I don’t have too many friends. I have a handful of close friends from school, and we can go months without talking to each other. Then someone will message the other and we’ll get to chatting again like no time has gone by which is nice. I have work ‘friends’ that i get along with, but I spend most of my time with my SO and our respective families. And that’s okay πŸ™‚

    Like

    • Chanelle says:

      One thing I didn’t go into detail about in this post is the loneliness I would sometimes feel. I don’t know a lot of people and have many people to talk to and sometimes it felt like I was isolated. I’m so glad since putting myself out there and meeting my boyfriend I have also found someone to talk to and generally share how I’m feeling or how my day is going with. The majority of the time I don’t mind being on my own and I am able to keep myself busy.

      Liked by 1 person

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