I’m Back! Pt. 1

I'm Back!

This post gets a bit rambly and I don’t know if it will make any sense but I feel like you deserve an explanation for the break. This was difficult for me to write but I always pride myself on being honest and this is my attempt at letting people in.

One of the reasons I felt like it was time to take a break from blogging is because of how I was feeling. I was beginning to feel tired, not physically and not because of blogging, but I felt I wasn’t putting as much energy into my writing and my posts as I wanted to. I’ve mentioned numerous times I’m the sort of person who gets very anxious and worries easily and other things that were going on around me were starting to impact on my routine. Although I don’t show it or share my feelings a lot I’m a very emotional person. After years of being that way it’s my default to bottle things up.

Quite often I have these moments where I read something or see something and think “I have completely no idea what that’s like.” For example I was reading a blog post that mentioned spray tan and it made me realise how certain experiences you have or haven’t had can make you feel. Maybe the spray tan thing is a bad example but I started to think how much I compare my life to other peoples and how different I can be. No way is difference bad and I don’t believe everyone should think or act the same but I feel like I’m in my own little world and I’m missing out on something or don’t have the same mind set as everyone else. Take relationships, I’ve never had a boyfriend, been on a date or anything and I genuinely have this fear that that won’t happen for me. I’m not afraid to be on my own and I try not to worry about it but after a while I have started to feel like a bit of a loser.

When it comes to life I’m a relatively simple person and it doesn’t take much to make me happy. I just worry that that’s not enough for some people. Because I’d rather stay in or I don’t get up to much at weekends am I boring? A lot of the time I feel lonely and I don’t have people to do things with or even talk to. I try not to dwell on these feelings and let them consume me but before the break that’s what was starting to happen. You see everyone else getting on with life and doing exciting things and sometimes a part of you wishes to be like that too!

I wrote this post the Sunday after beginning the break and I didn’t know how much would remain unchanged or if I’d even have the bottle to post it. If you read all the way to the end, thank you and if YOU ever need someone to talk to, I’m always here.

Make sure you check back on Friday for Part 2!


40 thoughts on “I’m Back! Pt. 1

  1. plus+beauty27 says:

    Awe Chanelle I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been feeling that way. You’re very brave to be so open about your feelings. I hope that a break has done some good and that you’re feeling much better! You should! You’re such a lovely person and NOT boring at all! ❤ xo

    Liked by 2 people

  2. NotQuiteLondon says:

    Welcome back hun. I can totally relate to some of the things u mentioned. I am a very anxious person n it completely consumes my life sometimes. As for you thinking you are a loser, you totally are NOT one so get that out of your head! Things happen for a reason n I am a great beliver of not rushing for things because when the time is right things will all slot into place xx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Claire says:

    Hi Chanelle!
    I know this must have been a really difficult post to write! ❤
    I know know you feel, I feel like this often too!
    It's tough, but try and focus on the good points of what you have and keep doing what makes you happy ❤
    It's difficult for me to write about how to help cos I feel it too haha!
    You're definitely NOT a loser though lovely ❤
    Anyways, just know that if you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm here for you ❤
    Lots of love
    Claire xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Lauren says:

    Nice to see you back Chanelle! Hope you’re doing okay! I kinda understand how you feel about being lonely and that feeling of being boring! I feel that a lot sometimes and it really does take over your thoughts! Don’t ever get too worried about things as I always believe things take time and the best is always ahead of you 🙂 If you ever need anyone to talk to, you know I am here as well as the many lovely bloggers 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. thoughtsandthings1 says:

    I really admire this kind of honesty. I think of lot of us can relate to what you’re saying Chanelle. I’m such a worrier it’s unbelieveable but whenever I say that everyone always says, ‘You always seem so calm’ and ‘do you really worry that much?’. In a way I guess it’s a good thing but in another way I wish sometimes I just put my hands up more often and admitted that I can’t take on everyone’s problems or even just that I’m feeling anxious.

    Although I think blogging is absolutely amazing I think it’s another example of where everyone’s lives are edited and filtered. Actually, I recently put up a post called, ‘Life and Stuff’ and I kind of regret it. I read it back and it almost seems as though I’ve had this flawless Summer. Obviously life is never all flowers and roses and although it has been really fun, I’m normal too and some days I feel sad, some upset, some anxious, some bored and some just fine. I wish I’d put that in some ways, I like to think I’m honest but I think sometimes I don’t really want to remember feeling crappy or sad so I just leave it out. I think that’s why I started my Dear Me series but perhaps I need to filter that down into all of my posts.

    More importantly, you are NOT a loser. I know I don’t know you but from what I see, you’re a smart, sweet, down to earth girl and I hope you know that. I like dates, they’re fun but five years ago I would never have gone on them. I think it takes confidence and you really have to say, ‘If he doesn’t like me, so what because the next person might really like me’. It’s all about timing too. I so get you though, I’m twenty four and I feel like I’m supposed to be on my way to married right now. I don’t want to be but I feel like I should be. It’s tough, again confidence.

    Sorry this is such a huge ramble but it just really hit home and I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone and that you have absolutely loads going for you. At the end of the day it’s your life, if you’re not doing exactly what others are, so what? Do what makes you happy, please. In the end all you’ll ever regret, is not being the happiest you can be.

    L xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chanelle says:

      Don’t be sorry, that comment is one of the most beautiful things I’ve read in a long time, especially the part about regretting not being the happiest you can be. I don’t blog or write posts acting all happy and cheery, I just try to be honest about whatever I’m writing, whether it be a beauty review, tag or a more personal post like this. We just need to learn to worry less haha ❤ x

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Rachael | helplesswhilstdrying says:

    I understand where you’re coming from, well done on writing this, I’ve done similar heart to heart posts and deleted them after only half an hour. Firstly you’re not a loser, please don’t ever think that – if we were all the same life would be boring and all our paths are just a little bit different.
    In the modern world its hard not to compare ourselves to others, but remember people only tend to put “the best of themselves” forward – you’ll rarely see someones off days.
    If you need a chat/rant let me know

    Liked by 1 person

  7. almayerich says:

    Welcome back! I understand where you are coning from, as I suffer from anxiety as well. You are very brave to open up about your feelings. Don’t compare yourself to others, we are all different. What you see online is only what people want you to see. Don’t get down on yourself! Just keeping doing your thing and everything will turn out! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Rachel Ellis Fashion & Beauty says:

    Hope you’re okay Chanelle and I hope you feel better now that you have spoken about it. You are definitely not a looser or boring, my ideal weekend evening is sitting in with a takeaway and watching a film! We all have days where we feel down but we just have to think positive thoughts! I find a bit of retail therapy always helps and as I said before a good film and some good food! Here if you ever need a chat! 🙂 xx

    Liked by 1 person

  9. adeleinglasses says:

    Welcome back, Chanelle!

    This is a really honest post, the reality is that many people probably have similar feelings or even different private feelings that they wouldn’t be brave enough to share publicly.

    From everything that we know of you on this little corner of the blogosophere, you’re a lovely person, so just keep on being you.

    You’re not boring for your preferences either, I’d much rather stay in and a lot of my weekends can be fairly uneventful, e.g. my fiancé and me watching a marathon of movies! People, online especially, just share the highlights, so it makes it look as if their life is much more interesting than the reality.

    As for friends and people to talk to, those are honestly hard to find, they come and go in life but that’s what I love about the blogging community. I’ve found so many people that are a lot more like me here than anywhere else. If you ever want to chat, just drop me an email, I’d love to catch up! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chanelle says:

      Thank you so much Adele 🙂 I’m really touched by how supportive and kind everyone’s been about this post. I get what you mean about people only sharing their highlights and while I do try to make my blog a positive space, I’m not afraid to get a little personal now and again. Maybe I will drop you an email x

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Kaily says:

    Holy cow, it took me forever to scroll to the bottom and leave a comment… clearly there are a lot of people here who give a shit about you!!! I’m just sayin 😉 As for the boring bit. There is always going to be someone out there who is more boring or less boring than you. I used to feel the way you do until I realized no body else cares, so why should I!? There are many things I’ve missed out on in life because I was too scared. For example, you say you’ve never had a boyfriend? Well I never got to enjoy life without a boyfriend. I always felt like I wasn’t good enough alone and always needed someone. So believe it or not, I’m jealous of you! BTW, I’ve never had a spray tan either… seems like a waste of money to me, hehe 🙂 But I think you should just live your life. Don’t compare yourself to others because you will always find someone you come up short next too (we all will). But do push yourself more to venture out and do things you wouldn’t normally do. Say hi to someone in class, befriend someone at work (all my friends are from work) and just go do something! Anything! Get coffee… go shopping… ANYTHING! It will help sooooooo mcuh 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chanelle says:

      I think spray tans are a waste of money too, I was just using it as an example haha.

      I don’t want to be so scared all the time, I’m still trying to figure out whether it’s people I’m scared of or life itself.

      Thank you for your mini essay Kaily 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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