This post gets a bit rambly and I don’t know if it will make any sense but I feel like you deserve an explanation for the break. This was difficult for me to write but I always pride myself on being honest and this is my attempt at letting people in.
One of the reasons I felt like it was time to take a break from blogging is because of how I was feeling. I was beginning to feel tired, not physically and not because of blogging, but I felt I wasn’t putting as much energy into my writing and my posts as I wanted to. I’ve mentioned numerous times I’m the sort of person who gets very anxious and worries easily and other things that were going on around me were starting to impact on my routine. Although I don’t show it or share my feelings a lot I’m a very emotional person. After years of being that way it’s my default to bottle things up.
Quite often I have these moments where I read something or see something and think “I have completely no idea what that’s like.” For example I was reading a blog post that mentioned spray tan and it made me realise how certain experiences you have or haven’t had can make you feel. Maybe the spray tan thing is a bad example but I started to think how much I compare my life to other peoples and how different I can be. No way is difference bad and I don’t believe everyone should think or act the same but I feel like I’m in my own little world and I’m missing out on something or don’t have the same mind set as everyone else. Take relationships, I’ve never had a boyfriend, been on a date or anything and I genuinely have this fear that that won’t happen for me. I’m not afraid to be on my own and I try not to worry about it but after a while I have started to feel like a bit of a loser.
When it comes to life I’m a relatively simple person and it doesn’t take much to make me happy. I just worry that that’s not enough for some people. Because I’d rather stay in or I don’t get up to much at weekends am I boring? A lot of the time I feel lonely and I don’t have people to do things with or even talk to. I try not to dwell on these feelings and let them consume me but before the break that’s what was starting to happen. You see everyone else getting on with life and doing exciting things and sometimes a part of you wishes to be like that too!
I wrote this post the Sunday after beginning the break and I didn’t know how much would remain unchanged or if I’d even have the bottle to post it. If you read all the way to the end, thank you and if YOU ever need someone to talk to, I’m always here.
Make sure you check back on Friday for Part 2!